Bra-gate – Yellowberry products now ‘for everyone’

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.55.58

“Before a fruit is fully ripened…  it passes through several shades of yellow. Those yellow stages take time, but they are what will eventually create a beautiful berry.”

                                                                                                         Megan Grassell

So reads the ‘about us’ section on the homepage of the Yellowberry bra website, where Megan Grassell writes movingly about her reasons for setting up Yellowberry.  Seeing her 13 year old sister trying on a leopardskin push up bra and realising there were few real alternatives for growing girls, she decided to found a company making bras that were comfortable and practical & didn’t put pressure on girls to ‘grow up so fast’.

“our mission is to support “everything girls” and encourage them to celebrate and enjoy this time as they are…

We support girls through each stage of their journey to become confident and extraordinary young women….

My team and I are here today with the goal to support your daughter, both literally and figuratively, as she grows up at her own pace.

My goal was for my sister Mary Margaret, and other girls her age, to feel confident in whatever they wear.”
Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 17.06.36

Google hit for ‘yellowberry’ brings up ‘Bras for Girls’

Ms Grassell has done a great job of this. She started Yellowberry at just 17. She has won awards for it: been mentioned in TIME, Forbes & The New York Times. Her bras are now available all over the world. She should be proud.

Until yesterday on Twitter, when bra-gate broke. Someone, ostensibly a social worker, contacted Yellowberry complaining that their products were ‘too gendered’.

A Yellowberry worker sent out this jaunty reply:

“Sorry, Jillian. Our market is strictly tween/teen girls. We don’t feel that growing boys need bras. Thanks for your input and have a Happy New Year!”

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.37.21

The response from mothers was swift:

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.42.11Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.41.32Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.41.17

But before the happy parents could get out their cheque books, Ms Grassell panicked and Yellowberry caved.

Ms Grassell responded with effusive apologies, assuring the OP that Yellowberry products weren’t just for girls after all.  They are suddenly now ‘for anyone’ and Yellowberry’s aim is to make every young person feel comfortable’.

meg reply.png

Ms Grassell described her employee’s suggestion that ‘we don’t feel growing boys need bras’ as ‘incorrect and insensitive’.

This massive turn around was not enough for the translobby however, who said the employee who sent the polite and perky reply had made the brand ‘look bad’ and called for her to be sacked.


Ms Grassell was keen for her apology to reach the strangely elusive social worker who had made the original complaint, and apologised repeatedly that one of her staff had DARED to suggest that bras were for girls.

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 15.08.18

Ms Grassell’s email address is there, for anyone who would like to email her, supporting and praising her previous stance, or assuring her that yes, bras actually are for girls and it’s ok to say so; that and she is right about yellow berries and yes, girls do need non-sexualised products made especially for them, and no, she should not feel obliged to pander to men creepy enough to demand she make her products more ‘inclusive’- and that they hope she will support her employee, who did nothing more than tell the truth.

Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 02.27.54.png

It is interesting to note that big clothing companies, who also market underwear and other clothing directly at girls and women, have not been targeted. Far easier to intimidate and bully a small philanthropic business, run by a young woman who is barely out of her teens herself.  Why approach Yellowberry? Why not Target or NEXT ?

I wonder what CEO of Marks and Spencer, Steve Rowe would say, approached with such a message? Or Paul Marchant, CEO of Primark? Or Lord Wolfson, CEO of NEXT? Or Brian Cornell, CEO of Target? Would these men (below) be replying to such criticism saying “I’m so, so sorry..” ?  Do you see a pattern here?

Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 16.59.14

Who and where is this elusive ‘social worker and sex-ed teacher (among other things)’, who recommends bra companies to so many parents and who wrote to Yellowberry in the first place?  This ‘advocate’ so concerned with the welfare of non-binary teens? This social worker with nothing better to do than harass young women? Do you smell bullshit too?  This is just more shameless bullying of women.

Some of the Twitter responses to Ms Gressell’s backdown are below.



Ms Grassell messaged the OP with repeated apologies “I am so sorry… I am so sorry… I am so, so sorry”  but has to date not responded to any of the women expressing concern at her backtracking.

Several things strike me as being of note at this point.

  1. How entirely terrified women -especially young women- are of the translobby. Ms Grassell has been put in an unenviable situation: but all women are being put in an awkward situation as more and more people curtail to the idea that a girl can become a boy and a boy a girl and some, just a few, very special people are neither or both. The main advocates of this idea seem to be adult males. Is Ms Grassell really now expected to deny the very origin of Yellowberry: that she designed her bras for young women with growing breasts?
  2. In what way were Yellowberry bras NOT inclusive in the first place? Was there anything stopping anybody buying one (apart from the rather eye-watering price tag)?
  3. Does the person who wrote the complaint actually want pictures of boys and men wearing the bras to be featured on the Yellowberry  website? If not, what was their point in writing?
  4. Now Ms Grassell has stated that her bras are for everyone, will she be featuring pictures of men and boys on her website? Because if not, it really is just lip service, isn’t it?
  5. Have we really reached a point where we aren’t allowed to speak the truth? Are we really no longer allowed to say

Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 14.49.05

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

What makes somebody ‘real trans’? Part 1- Adults

real trans

“I just have a hard time now seeing anybody as ‘really trans’.” confided a friend the other day, which got me thinking: what makes somebody ‘really’ trans? Let’s try to unpick this.

First we need to clarify the difference between sex and gender.

We are born with a sex, male or female (see notes on intersex later). Society assigns us certain expected roles based on our sex. We do not always have to conform with these roles, but often we are under a lot of pressure to do so. We are expected to take our place somewhere in the pink or the blue box.  These gender roles based on sex are a social construct and vary from culture to culture.

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 19.08.56

Social constructs are explained brilliantly here, and if you fancy a quick refresher course, that’s the place to get it.

While some behaviour is considered more typically feminine and some more typically masculine, we all have a mixture of masculine and feminine traits and at times most of us resent the idea that we should comply with them. It is tough on women to be expected to look ‘hot’ all the time. It is tough on men to be expected never to show vulnerability.

We are all made up of this mixture of masculine and feminine, and no two people will have exactly the same mix of characteristics. Very, very few of us are entirely masculine or feminine in our behaviour. This is what forms the basis of our PERSONALITY.

Screen Shot 2017-12-24 at 03.03.10

One day I might decide to wear a long skirt, bangles and lipstick; the next, for no particular reason, I might wear old tracky bottoms, no make up and not bother brushing my hair. One day I might feel kind and nurturing, another I might feel angry and volatile. This is because, emotionally, I am non-binary. AND SO ARE YOU! We are ALL non-binary. The word, in the context of gender, is completely meaningless. Nobody is 100% masculine or 100% feminine.  Most of us are hanging out somewhere in the middle.

A woman might wear trousers, fix cars, smoke a pipe, love another woman – that does not make her a man. A man might cry easily, make daisy chains, spend a lot of time doing his hair- that doesn’t make him a woman. ‘Woman’ and ‘man’ are not feelings or stereotypes, they are biological categories. That does not mean that everyone is expected to look like the man and woman below: size, skin tone, age all have their effect on us.

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 19.17.21

Women as a group are discriminated against because of our female biology, not because we have long hair, wear bras & lipstick & giggle girlishly. We are the female of the species: we carry the young, we birth the young- with all the risk that entails- we feed the young and usually we raise the young. We are usually smaller bodied than men and have less brute strength than men. These facts, historically and culturally, have given men power over us. Women are valued for their bodies and exploited for their bodies. Women are more likely to be prostituted or raped; more likely to be subject to physical abuse from those close to them. Women do most of the work on the planet and are paid far less for it, both at the top and at the bottom end of the pay scale.  It is not possible to identify into, or out of, these outcomes. They don’t have to happen to all women to be women’s issues. But they do happen to women because they are women.


Our biology is the thing that unites us; the thing that makes us women. We all had a mum and she was a woman.

While ‘man’ and ‘woman’, ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ are definitions based on our reproductive capacites, I’ll state the obvious and add that some humans don’t choose to breed and some don’t have the capacity to breed. Some are born sterile.  Some women may never menstruate; some men may never produce sperm. These are physical conditions that occur when biological development goes wrong and they have nothing to do with brain function or transgenderism.

A tiny proportion of people are born intersex. Just as someone being born without a leg doesn’t mean humans are not a bipedal species, the existence of intersex people doesn’t mean humanity doesn’t have a biological binary.

Intersex is sometimes tacked onto the alphabet soup that used to be LGB, and some people confuse the condition with transgenderism.  Being intersex is a genetic and physical condition and has nothing to do with the psychological condition of transgenderism. An intersex person may well be ‘assigned’ male or female at birth,  but the rest of us have our sex observed, not assigned, often while we are still in the womb. The idea that we are all ‘assigned a sex at birth’ and that our ‘gender identity’ is the thing that makes us a man or a woman is deeply insulting to many lesbian and gay people who feel that the idea erases them and the idea of same-sex attraction.

“What do you think I, as a gay man, am attracted to? Male ‘souls?’ Are lesbians attracted to some metaphysical ‘female essence’?  …. you know the difference between a stag and a doe, right? Or a bull and a cow? A ram and a ewe? Why stop at people, at men and women?”                                                     @throwaway_gay

Many intersex people are also unhappy that their condition is being confused with transgenderism. The Intersex Society of North America has this to say:

People who have intersex conditions have anatomy that is not considered typically male or female. Most people with intersex conditions come to medical attention because doctors or parents notice something unusual about their bodies. In contrast, people who are transgendered have an internal experience of gender identity that is different from most people… these two groups should not be and cannot be thought of as one.

There is a lot of misinformation about intersex on the internet, mostly written by those who would like to link it to transgenderism in order to give transgenderism some sort of perceived biological basis.  The Intersex Society of North America’s website is well worth reading if you are interested in learning more from a reliable source.

“Some people are born in the wrong body!”

Ask yourself how could it be possible to be ‘born in the wrong body’?  You are born in your own body. The brain is an organ, it’s part of your body.  How could your brain be wrong but the rest of your body be right? Is there such a thing as ‘real trans’? And if there is, how do we define it?

Most dictionaries seem fairly consistent in their definition of transgender.

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 19.02.42

Some people are so uncomfortable being perceived as their birth sex- and being expected to comply with the stereotypes that accompany their sexed bodies- that they feel their discomfort can only be settled by attempting to change the way they are perceived.  A male who wishes to be perceived as female or a female who wishes to be perceived as male is ‘transgender’. Being transgender usually involves conforming to stereotypes of the opposite sex – trans-identified men (TIMs) wear lipstick and grow their hair and frequently have surgery to give them the appearance of breasts. Trans-identified women (TIFs) cut their hair short and bind or remove their breasts. Most say this is the only way to become their authentic selves. Some even claim this is challenging binary gender stereotypes.

Alex Bertie, worshiped by a generation of trans-identified teenage girls, takes testosterone in a quest to grow a beard and has had a double mastectomy, yet doesn’t see the irony in taking selfies in a T-shirt proclaiming ‘Gender Roles are Dead’.

If authentic means not false, not copied, genuine, original, unmodified- what is authentic about medicating yourself and removing healthy body parts in order to create an illusion based on stereotypes?  Is it even possible to be transgender without recourse to stereotypes?

“In my case, becoming ‘myself’ has involved a mix of doctors, pills and surgeries.” writes Juno Dawson, paradoxically.

So what makes somebody ‘real’ transgender?

Is it having ‘gender reassignment surgery’ (GRS) that makes a man a ‘real’ woman?

Screen Shot 2017-12-30 at 04.02.07.png

Some say that it’s having the inclination and money to change your body with surgery that counts. Some trans-identified men talk about ‘earning womanhood’ with their surgeries, almost as if it is a prize for compliance.

Tallulah-Eve (above left) has undergone full GRS.  “If anything, I’ve earned more right to womanhood than a cis woman,” he claims, inferring not only that womanhood is some sort of prize to be bestowed upon the compliant, but also that womanhood is little more than the fabrication of secondary sex characteristics: long, wavy hair and spectacular eyebrows; bowling-ball breasts that could never feed a baby and a ‘vagina’ whose only function is to act as a potential penis-sheath.

No amount of surgery, hormone injections or anything else can change your DNA, and a DNA test will always show whether you are male or female.

Veteran feminist Germaine Greer made her position on this pretty clear when she said: “Just because you lop off your dick and then wear a dress, doesn’t make you a fucking woman.” She points out that a man who undergoes such surgery is ‘“inflicting an extraordinary act of violence on himself”.

If womanhood is a prize, as suggested by Tallulah-Eve, gifted to those who attain the necessary level of ‘fuckability’, then we are led to another question-  who is the ‘real’ woman? Veteran Greer, with over 50 years of feminist campaigning behind her, or youthful Tallulah, with DD fabricated breasts in front of him?

Only about 25% of all TIMs go so far as to have their penis surgically removed. So what of the other 75%?

Is it ‘passing’ that decides?

The idea of passing again suggests that there is a correct way to be a woman.  Let’s look at two TIMs. Blaire White (below right) has achieved his look with surgery. Danielle Muscato (below left) has not had surgery.

Screen Shot 2017-12-23 at 00.59.23.png

Blaire is one of the ‘best-passing’ high-profile TIMs.  Danielle is not. They have different takes on what it means to be transgender. White claims “You don’t get to change definitions or scoot around them in pursuit of your own narrative.” whereas Muscato is adamant that ‘some women have penises‘ and women who disagree should ‘suck my dick’.

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 00.16.47

Most people would assume that White is a woman but Muscato is not- but their DNA is male. So is it how much you can make yourself look like a stereotypical het-male-fantasy of womanhood that decides if you are ‘real’ trans or not? How much effort do you have to put in to win that elusive prize?

What age is the oldest you can become ‘real’ trans?

Kellie Maloney has always been a woman. She isn’t becoming a woman or pretending to be one.” wrote Paris Lees back in 2014. Well, hang on a minute…

Can sixty years of male privilege really be wiped away with the brush of a freshly waxed and manicured hand? And if it is, as some women have pointed out, does that mean Bruce Jenner got his gold medal under false pretenses?

Boxing promoter Frank Maloney  (who once nearly strangled his wife) changed his name to Kellie Maloney and came out as transgender in his early 60s. The NHS were happy to chronicle and applaud his brave journey on their website.  Jazz Jennings was seven when he made his first TV appearance as a ‘transkid’.  Is Jazz more trans than Kellie?  Is Kellie more or less female than Jazz? Is it actually possible to be more or less of a woman than someone else? Surely you are one or you aren’t one? Who is more trans, Jazz or Kellie? Is your head spinning yet?

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 01.08.19.png

Were detransitioners ever ‘really’ trans?

There are a growing number of people who transition and then change back. Often they feel rejected by the trans community who see them as traitors. They are frequently told they were never really trans in the first place.

Screen Shot 2017-12-29 at 01.32.23.png

Walt Heyer is probably the most famous detransitioner: a man who surgically transitioned at 42 and ‘lived as a woman’ for 8 years before undergoing further surgery to ‘change back’.  His website is here. Is he transgender? Was he ever really transgender? ” …no matter how feminine I appeared, like all transgenders, I was just a man in a dress.” says Heyer, his words a sad echo of Greer’s.

But Heyer is not alone. Young people are detransitioning too.

One detransitioned man writes  in a comment on a YouTube video “My body is now destroyed by transgender medicine. I never wanted to die before this. I feared being bi. My doctor said transition would help me fit in. And I could always go back. And therapy wasn’t important.” Elsewhere he comments “As a detrans male (ex “transwoman”), I usually feel either invisible or hated.”

Another detransitioned male writes:

Screen Shot 2017-12-30 at 04.19.45

A detransitioned woman writes that her therapist unintentionally “helped me hurt myself” in enabling her transition.  Another writes “Looking back on it, I believe I transitioned almost on an impulse.”

Many young detransitioners are uncomfortable with their experience being used to suggest, for example, that ‘real trans’ is an elusive concept. But we need to talk about these things.  Why is trying to define such a complex and nuanced term as ‘transgender’ seen as transphobic? Is transgenderism such a holy grail that no discussion of it is permissible? Of course trans-identified people exist- but you can’t turn a woman into a man or a man into a woman. It just isn’t possible. And trying to do so doesn’t always result in a happy outcome.

I recently read details of a case that involved a ‘transwoman’ who became disturbed by his transition when he developed dementia. He couldn’t understand why he had breasts or was being called by a woman’s name. It is so sad, it haunts me.


What do you have to do to be ‘real’ trans legally?

To get a Gender Recognition Certificate from the UK government, you still have to have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and to prove you have ‘lived in your acquired gender for at least 2 years.’  To prove this you will need a passport, driving licence, payslips and bills.

But to change your sex on your passport in the UK, all you need is a letter from your doctor saying your decision is ‘likely to be permanent‘.

Which leads us to where we are now. If you say you’re a woman, you are a woman, and anyone who says otherwise is transphobic and full of hatred.

You don’t have to amputate your penis, get artificial breasts, take hormones or even break out the lippy anymore, let alone work in your local charity shop ‘as a woman’ for two years. You just have to convince your doctor that you really, really ‘feel like a woman’ and get him to put it in a letter.

How can a man know how a woman feels? There is no one experience of womanhood. We cannot even know how our loved ones feel. You cannot possibly know how I feel, and your next door neighbour cannot possibly know how you feel. It’s not possible for a man to claim to ‘feel like a woman’ unless he invokes sexist stereotypes.

What about trans-IDd sexual predators?

A man can now rape a woman, and end up being transferred to a women’s prison. This is not sensationalist speculation.  It’s happened.


If a man can say he’s a woman just because he says he ‘feels like one’, then ANY man can say he’s a woman.  It’s not a prize to be handed out for being good.

A TIM called Dana Rivers recently murdered two lesbians and their son.  Julianna Fialowski, a former counselor to trans youth, is now in jail for possession of child porn. These are not isolated cases. Numerous others are chronicled at the open Facebook group This Never Happens.

Recently, the UK gutter press reports that child-murderer Ian Huntley has declared that he is actually a woman.  As asked below, is Ian Huntley a woman if he says he is one? What do YOU think?

Screen Shot 2017-12-28 at 17.25.13

If you agree with a cute, naive, young man who says he’s a woman, then surely you have to let a middle-aged child-murderer claim womanhood too.  A man can either become a woman or he can’t. You don’t get to choose who is good enough. You aren’t Father Christmas.

Someone who believes that they’re something they are not is suffering from psychological confusion. Their problem lies in the mind, not in the body, and the problem is accentuated by a society that worships gender stereotypes. Our bodies are not wrong or right, they just ARE.

Racial appropriation is not acceptable. If I say I am black, and demand that you see me as such, because because I like ‘doing things black people do’ and ‘dressing like black people’, you would rightly cringe.  (I cringe even writing it.) Yet somehow we have reached the point where a pouting man who calls himself a woman tells us that:

‘”a fashion trend that needs to die is any form of cultural appropriation”

and we all rush to tell him how brave and authentic he is.

Pricking the surface of transgenderism reveals little but stereotypes, sexism, circular definitions (a woman is anyone who says they are a woman: a woman is anyone who feels like a woman) more stereotypes, more sexism and even more stereotypes. This whole absurd worshiping of stereotypes has become a runaway train. Eighty year old trans people! Four year old trans people!

A few weeks ago, Pink News ran an article about an entire family who identify as transgender. It started when the boy child wanted to join the Girl Scouts. When mum ‘looked it up’ she realised “‘Oh my gosh, they’re trans!” Since then the whole family has transitioned.

National Geographic recently ran an article about mother and son, Eric and Corey Maison. Corey hit the news a few years ago as poster-child for the bathroom bill and mum Erica became dad Eric as Corey’s fame began to dwindle a little. Corey, we are told, is ‘looking forward to becoming 18 so she can have surgery’.

Which brings us to the children and the terrible lies we are telling them.

Watch this space for Part 2 – Kids.


Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

I know who’s going to be on the wrong side of history – and it isn’t me.

history will judge you

Owen Jones wrote in the Guardian today that those who don’t support transgender rights will be on the wrong side of history’. ‘Anti-trans zealots’ he proclaimed dramatically, ‘know this: history will judge you.’

Jones’ article – like so many before it, and undoubtedly like so many yet to come- was illustrated by a photo of a blonde, long-haired boy-child sporting a large pink bow, accompanied by an excited and glamorous mother. The boy is probably not more than ten years old.  He is clasping a sign that reads ‘Please let me use the girls’ room’. This is a shameless exploitation of a child and puts me in mind of another trans-identified little boy, Corey Maison, who has also been used in the ‘battle’ for trans rights . Of course nobody is bothered by little boys using the women’s bathroom. I have a friend who frequently takes her long-haired, small-for-his-age, 12 year old son into the Ladies with her and no-one blinks an eye. Women know that the men’s room is unlikely to be a safe place for pretty little boys.

Screen Shot 2017-12-16 at 01.09.28

Corey Maison, a poster child for the ‘Bathroom movement’

These articles are never accompanied by a photo of a 6ft tall bloke in a wig & a dress, with 5 o’clock stubble, captioned ‘You think I belong in the men’s bathroom?‘ for good reason. Because we bloody well do, yes.

transgender men

 Owen Jones, of course, has the upper hand here. He is a journalist for the Guardian & I am a not-very-prolific blogger who spends way too much time on Twitter. Jones has never deigned to answer me when I’ve tagged him on Twitter: why would he? After all I am a bigot, full of hatred, scared and scornful of trans people, a mad, bitter hag who wishes to erase them all and leave brave transgender children to spend a lifetime trapped in the wrong body…

… except I’m not. I’m the mum of a teenage girl who identified as a boy for nearly a year – insistently and persistently- the mum of a girl who is now a happy lesbian. I did not support my daughter Jessie’s transition and, as she told Janice Turner in a recent interview for the Times, Jessie believes she would probably have been on testosterone by now if I had done so. A friend of Jessie’s, Hazel, identified as a boy for over a year. Hazel is now a glamorous young woman, who dresses in conventionally female clothing and dates boys. So I know, first hand, that children DO desist, baby-butches and glamourpusses alike. This is not rare.

Screen Shot 2017-12-16 at 09.57.40

Jessie speaks to Janice Turner in an article for the Sunday Times

In general, kids that desist are a bit embarrassed by the whole thing. They don’t want to be paraded through the press, admitting they ‘made a mistake’, or to be on the receiving end of accusations of transphobia and deception: they just want to forget about it and get on with life. You won’t hear much from them.  You won’t see photos of them in glossy magazines & on the internet. Their parents are mostly so thankful that the whole awful scenario is over that they also want to move on and who can blame them? Some of us, however, are so horrified at the level of beguilement and damage going on that we won’t shut up; that we can’t shut up. But I digress.

When Owen Jones wrote in the Guardian today that those who don’t support transgender people will be on the wrong side of history, he was a little late to the party: that cry has been fashionable for a while now. I first came across it when it was thrown at me by a young woman boycotting the gender debate at the Women’s University Club. “You’ll be on the wrong side of history! You’ll see!” she screamed, as I entered the building. It seemed a strange accusation at the time and it stuck in my head. Surely we believe what we believe: you don’t change your mind out of fear that the majority might not agree with you at some point in the future. Since then the cry has gained popularity. I’ve heard it over and again on Twitter. It’s almost as popular as the mantra ‘transwomen are women’. Transwomen are NOT women. How do we know this? Simple. Can I be a transwoman? No. Why not? Because I am not a man.

Lily Maynard

How can a man know how a woman feels? He can’t. The one thing that unifies woman- infertile women, post-menopausal women, menstruating women, breast-feeding women, lesbian women, het women, young women, old women, feminine women, GNC women – even women who think they are men -is our biological experience of being female-bodied. THAT is what a woman is and that is what the word woman describes. Females bleed. They give birth. They feed their young. Not every woman experiences these things but when it comes down to it, we all know what a woman is. We all came out of one.

People like Jones can play around with words, they can try to redefine them; they can tell women they are bigots for not accepting men as women and many women will go along with it ‘because it seems unkind not to’.  Most of us are well-trained like that. We want to be good trans-allies.

Jones speaks of  ‘brilliant trans voices emerging – like Shon Faye (and) Paris Lees’

Er, hang on, you mean Shon Faye who told people he referred to as ‘children’ to ‘suck dick, get tits early’? The same Paris Lees who wrote a ‘bathroom’ article accompanied by a picture of himself sitting on the toilet? Paris Lees who routinely calls lesbians who don’t want sex with men ‘transphobic’?  Inspirational stuff.

Screen Shot 2017-12-16 at 01.32.29

Shon Faye tells ‘children’ to ‘suck dick’ and ‘get tits early’.

Screen Shot 2017-12-16 at 01.35.42

Paris Lees on the toilet. Inspiring and brilliant.

Jones tell us that trans people aren’t hurting anyone. Well, it’s true that you don’t often hear trans-identified women demanding to use men’s bathrooms, although I’m sure some of them do, and the chant ‘transmen are men’ is bandied about far less than its blushing feminine equivalent. In fact, you don’t hear much from trans-identified women, full stop. Despite claims that trans-identified women have male privilege, they are remarkably quiet about it all. None of the three ‘brilliant trans-voices’ that Jones refers to in his article belongs to an actual woman. Yet trans-identified men calling themselves women are demanding access not just to women’s toilet facilities, but to women’s refuges, clubs, sports teams and colleges. They are being housed in women’s prisons. They are joining lesbian groups, becoming Women’s Officers, and closing down women’s events for excluding them. They are trying to redefine womanhood as a feeling, which by implication suggests that women who don’t identify as men are quite happy with the discrimination we face – after all, if we minded that much surely we’d all just identify out of it?

Jones likens gender critical women to those who opposed LGB rights in the 80s. How dare he? While #LittleOJ was still being fed on mummy’s milk, I was kissing girls- and boys- in the woods at school. While #LittleOJ was not long out of nappies, I was protesting against Clause 28.

The problem with Jones’ article, the reason that it never really gets going, is that it is based on a lie.

Transgenderism is absolutely nothing like LGB. The LGB fight for acceptance & equality is nothing like the fight for transgender rights. The two are worlds apart. They are not comparable.

Lily Maynard

LGB people and their allies know that our bodies do not define who we love or desire. Men can love women and women can love men and that’s just fine. A female-bodied person who loves other female-bodied people is a lesbian. How can a man possibly be a lesbian? The claim is absurd. Attraction is a feeling, our physical bodies are not a feeling. LGB does not advocate that bodies should be modified to fit stereotypes. LGB doesn’t care what we wear or what hobbies we have. LGB wants to get rid of those stereotypes!  LGB people do not demand that the rest of society complies with a delusion. LGB rights ask that we are all accepted just as we are, whatever body we are born in. The LGB fight for equal rights is not dependent on the erasure of the rights of another marginalised group and LGB people do not go into schools asking little kids if they might be gay.

So no, @OwenJones84 I will not be on the wrong side of history. History will not judge me and my concerned sisters and brothers who are being silenced by your accusations of hate and demands for no-platforming.

History will judge those who beguiled & medicated a generation of gender-non-conforming children; those who transitioned gay boys & lesbian girls; those who told a girl she could become a boy and vice versa, when they knew it wasn’t true. History will judge those who told kids there was a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to be a boy or a girl and those who told a generation of baby-dykes they could become ‘straight’ boys. Boys who like dancing & pink & sparkly hearts & tutus are being told this might mean they are a girl. People are going into schools right now and telling kids these things. How is that progressive?

History will judge those who denied kids a puberty; with all its angst, stresses and pain, it is an essential part of forming us into the adults we become. History will judge those who have left now-adult men with non-functional 1” penises; those who cut the healthy breasts off girls who were still children. History will judge those who skinned the thighs of young women to make penises that will never work.

History will judge those who lied about & glorified suicide stats in the press; who told kids that ‘real’ transkids self-harmed & tried to kill themselves. Over, and over, and over again. History will judge those who say puberty blockers are harmless and reversible in all cases; that nothing permanent is done to children. That isn’t true. Girls as young as 14 have had their breasts removed & the CEO of Mermaids took her son abroad to have his penis removed when he was just 16. History will judge the parents who told their disturbed kids they could ‘get a penis when they’re bigger’ and that ‘people out there want to erase you’; the ones who spanked and screamed at their GNC kids for playing with the ‘wrong’ toys, and prayed to their judgemental gods for an answer. And history will cry with the parents who didn’t realise what was going on until it was too late; who trusted the doctors & therapists who told them this was the best thing for their child, who believed the press & lost their quirky, confused kids to the cult of transgenderism.

History will judge the therapists and surgeons who made blood money out of this. The gender therapists who befriended confused girls on social media and posted quirky jokes on Twitter to draw them in; who offered them hormones and pocketed the profit, calling it ‘care’. You know who you are. History will judge the surgeons who cut healthy body parts off children for money and to satisfy their own curiosity. You want to talk about Nazis? Nazis experimented on humans too. How do you sleep at night? There should be a special ring of hell in Dante’s inferno just for you.

History will judge those who fought for laws that said any man can walk into a women’s bathroom or changing room & that an uncomfortable woman has to STFU. History will judge those who shouted ‘TERF’ and ‘bigot’ at women who were only trying to protect their children & at feminists fighting to preserve their hard-earned rights.

Today’s pro-trans media is promoting sexual stereotypes; eradicating a generation of young gay & lesbian kids & condemning them to a lifetime of medicalisation.

History will judge YOU, little OJ, with your male privilege & your not-very-well-written & badly-researched articles.  Inspiring stuff, indeed. You are complicit with the eradication of women’s rights & the medicalisation of a generation of kids. And you’re not stupid.  In your heart, you know it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 24 Comments

Guest post: “To the woman who shrieked at me that I am a bigot…”

Screen Shot 2017-12-10 at 11.25.23

Sometimes a post is so powerful it needs to be shared far and wide. Logging on to facebook this morning, the first thing I saw was this powerful post from CR. I too have been shouted at, by other women, that I am a bigot and that I will be on the wrong side of  history. I too join the ranks of women who say this piece of writing has moved them to tears.

CR  has kindly agreed that I can share it here.


‘To the woman who shrieked at me that I am a bigot and a terf and a hateful transphobe for defending women’s rights,

Ten, fifteen years from now, I ask you to remember me.

Remember me when you have your first baby and you’re referred to throughout your pregnancy as a birthing individual, a pregnant person, and it makes you feel kind of dehumanised and you wish they’d just call you a woman, a mother, because that’s what you are. But they’re not allowed, because it’s illegal to say only women can be pregnant and give birth.

Remember me when you give birth and you feel vulnerable and exposed and you really want a woman beside you who understands what you’re going through and instead your midwife is a six foot man with stubble in a dress and you know he isn’t a woman but you’re not allowed to object, even when you need to be examined and you just want a woman to do it but you know you can’t say anything because that would be hate speech, even though your body is screaming no.

Remember me when your elderly mother, who has lost her mind to dementia, goes into a care home and is told that her carer, Susan, is a woman, because you asked that she only be cared for by women. And even in her addled state of mind, she knows that Susan is a man, and you know Susan is a man, but you cannot object, and she has to allow Susan to perform her intimate care, because to object would be hate speech.

Remember me when your daughter comes home from school crying, the daughter who has spent the last five years training to be the best athlete in her class, her school, her district, she’s crying because Lucas in her class, one of the fastest boys, has decided he identifies as female for now and so is allowed to run in her race, and she knows it doesn’t matter how hard she trains, he will always beat her, and she can only ever hope for a silver medal now. Or bronze, if there is another Lucas.

Remember me when you go into a toilet late at night, perhaps in a bar, and there’s noone else around, and a guy walks in, he has a beard and is wearing jeans and a t shirt, and the way he looks at you seems off, and you feel afraid and unsettled and worried he might hurt you. But you can’t challenge him, because if you do he’ll say he’s a woman and has as much right as you do to be in this toilet, a place where many years ago you might have come to feel safe.

Remember me when you go for a promotion, for a board position at work that’s designated for a woman. You’ve put in the hours, you’ve worked so hard, you know you deserve it. And the position goes to Lola, who until last year was a 50 year old man. Lola will never do anything inconvenient like needing time off to have babies, or to deal with any health issues that you, a woman might face, like endometriosis, breast cancer, PND. Lola is a woman just like you, and your company are happy that they have fulfilled their quota of women members on the board.

Remember me when you read on the news that crime statistics for women committing rape and murder are on the increase, and now women carry out a much higher number of rapes and murders than they did when you were a teenager or a young woman. And you know that these ‘women’ are men and that the statistics are wrong, but to challenge this would be hate speech. Remember me too, when these women rapists are locked up with vulnerable women in female prisons and cannot escape, because to challenge the presence of the women rapists with penises in prison with them would be hate speech.

Remember me when your son comes home from school and says that he’s learned at school that you can change sex and that some girls have penises and some boys have vaginas and that his teacher said that because he likes playing with girls and dolls that maybe he is really a girl in the wrong body. And you think, no, you are just my wonderful, unique, son, and you were born in your own body. Remember me when a few months down the line the teacher calls you in and says she’s concerned that you are not validating your son’s identity and that she’s noticed you are still referring to him by the name you so carefully chose for him when he was born, and calling him a boy, when he is actually a girl, and that she doesn’t want to have to involve social services but she’s worried she might have to if you continue to misgender your son and deny his real identity. And you know that she will, because it’s happened before in a school near you, and you are afraid.

In this brave new world that you helped to create, look around for your transactivist friends, your lefty male allies, the ones you stood beside and yellled ‘terf, transphobe, bigot’ with, with you shouting the loudest, because you wanted to show what a good ally you were, how inclusive, how progressive. Where are they now? Why, they are where they always were. Benefitting from the patriarchy. Enjoying the new, improved version of it that you helped them to build by crushing the resistance from the women who spoke up for their rights. This has all cost them nothing; it has made the world a better, easier place for men. It has cost you and your sisters who campaigned with them for virtue cookies, everything.

And me? I’ll be where I’ve always been. Fighting for your rights. Fighting to undo the damage.

I’ll have your back, as I always have done.’



Thank you C, for summing up how this affects all of us, not just the worried parents of GNC kids, not just radical feminists, the religious and academics… every women, every girl. All of us. If we don’t speak out now, this will be the future.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Whose rights matter? (& when it’s what you don’t say that can get you fired.)

Screen Shot 2017-11-12 at 13.58.44

The Daily Mail yesterday ran an article about a maths teacher who has been suspended for saying ‘good work, girls’ to a trans-identified girl and her friend. The bare bones of the story seem to be this:

Joshua Sutcliffe (27), who taught at at Cherwell School in Oxfordshire and describes the experience as ‘surreal, kafkaesque’, was called to the head’s office and told there had been a ‘transgender complaint’ against him.  He was suspended from teaching while it was investigated. He was not allowed to discuss it with fellow staff members. He was later called to a formal disciplinary hearing and may lose his job.

Screen Shot 2017-11-12 at 13.24.54

Joshua Sutcliffe – after running to the Daily Mail with his story, & showing them documents involving the case, we don’t need a crystal ball to bet on job loss being the most likely outcome.


Screen Shot 2017-11-12 at 12.45.09.png

According to the article, the ‘misgendering’ incident was a mistake and Sutcliffe apologised immediately afterwards. However, Sutcliffe says the idea that gender is fluid ‘conflicts sharply with my Christian beliefs’. Last year his lunchtime voluntary Bible class was shut down after he told kids that marriage was a union between a man & a woman. Now to my mind, this sort of thing is bullshit. If my lesbian daughter wants to get married she should bloody well be able to do so. However, Mr Sutcliffe  is pastor at a local church & I’m wondering what the school expected when they allowed him to start a Bible class? Unicorns and free love? There’s also backstory hinted at: according to the article the girl’s parents said he’d been picking on their kid and giving her too many detentions (although this wasn’t upheld by the investigation)… according to the article… according to the article…

Yes, it’s the Mail. I am not a huge fan. I realise that their track record for accuracy is not sparkling. I think it is fairly safe to assume that this is the story of a pissed off teacher who feels he’s been doing his best and has been badly done to. Sutcliffe has obviously had enough; he expects to be sacked & has decided to give the school- which he accuses of having a ‘liberal, leftist agenda’- some bad press as he goes. The Mail has jumped in with glee and put a sensationalist spin on things. Presto! One marketable article!

So I’m not even going to mention the absurdity of requiring a teacher to refer to a girl as a boy, just because she says she is one (whoops).  Let’s just look at one little thing. One tiny aspect of this case that seems to have been swallowed up in the moral outrage. According to documents ostensibly viewed by The Mail on Sunday, Sutcliffe faces claims that he is breaching equality policies by referring to the pupil by name rather than as ‘he’ or ‘him’. The hearing evidently decided that

‘‘avoidance of using gendered pronouns contravenes the school’s code of conduct’


What you DON’T say contravenes a code of conduct? This man is in trouble for what he avoided saying? Stop that silence right now! He’s in trouble not just for calling a girl a girl, but for not actively calling her a boy? Christ on a bike, if you’ll excuse the expression, I hope the Mail has surpassed itself and this is all made up. I hope to high heaven and hell and back that there isn’t a school in the country which would suspend a teacher for what he or she didn’t say. For what he or she had the integrity to avoid saying. Whatever happened to the right to free thought? The implications of this are vast.

While you’re here, let’s have a quick look at a different case. This was also reported on widely in the British press in November 2017. Similarities include that the case involves another school in England, another male teacher, more female students, another disciplinary hearing and another apology after the event.

Screen Shot 2017-11-12 at 13.26.04

Andrew Corish (60), admitted  to to a professional misconduct panel that he took ”upskirt’ images of  female children in his class and stored the photos and videos on his phone for ‘sexual gratification’.

Corish wasn’t convicted by a court because this isn’t a criminal offence. Screen Shot 2017-10-03 at 23.13.38

Although Coloma school in Croydon immediately suspended him and he resigned, the National College for Teaching and Leadership misconduct panel will ‘consider’ whether to recommend sanctions, or a ban, to the Education Secretary.

It is indeed a kafkaesque world when teachers are facing the sack not just for speaking the truth, but for what they didn’t say, yet are not immediately struck off for taking photos up little girls’ skirts.

I can’t help thinking about the very different way these girl-children are being treated.

The girl who identifies as a boy has such protections in place that her teacher is being punished for telling her ‘well done’ in the wrong way. He is hauled before a tribunal, and rebuked not for using the ‘wrong’ pronouns, but for failing to use the ‘right’ ones. Investigations are held into whether the child had been given too many unjustified detentions. There is a chance that her teacher won’t be able to find another job.

A girl whose teacher has been taking secret photos of her in her knickers & masturbating over them is told that it’s not an criminal offence and that she had no reasonable expectation of privacy. There is a chance that her teacher will not be able to find another job.

Which young person would you rather be?




Screen Shot 2017-10-03 at 23.13.38 If you would like to sign Gina Martin’s petition to change English law so taking ‘upskirt’ style photos becomes illegal under the Sexual Offences Act, you can click here




Image | Posted on by | Leave a comment

When is a girl not a girl?

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 02.29.20

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 02.25.06

When we hear stories of ‘trans’ children in the media we are usually struck by two things. Firstly, the photo of the cute, vulnerable child- nearly always a long-haired boy in pink and a tutu- and secondly the fierce love and support offered by the parents. To question this narrative seems churlish, even cruel: usually, parents know their children best and this child obviously needs protecting from the harsh realities of modern culture. We may have a fleeting thought that perhaps the child’s best interests may not be being served by parading them all over social media; but we see cute, we see love and we move on, proud that our hearts are so inclusive and that the label ‘transphobic’ does not apply to us. We tell ourselves the story needs to be told; the message needs to be got across. But what exactly is the message?

The message is very simple and very dangerous, especially to young, growing minds. The message is that there is a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ way to be a girl or a boy.

In interviews with the parents of ‘trans’ children we hear how the girl liked superheroes and hated dresses, or how the boy loved to dance and sing. With boys, a love of glitter and pink is often viewed as conclusive proof of transgenderism; a desire for short hair and an interest in physical sports is what often ‘proves’ a girl is really a boy. In some cases, parents seemed unhappy with the child’s choice of interests; some spanked the gender non-conforming child, or tried to force it into the conventional role by taking away the toys or clothes that they considered inappropriate. The child’s reticence and growing unhappiness at being dictated to is used as further ‘proof’ of the authenticity of the pink/blue brain argument.

One mother speaks of how she misses the hours spent forcing her daughter’s hair into pretty cornrows and plaits: the fact that her now ‘son’ is so much happier with short hair is proof of the child being born in the wrong body rather than an understandable relief at not having her hair yanked around any more. One eight-year-old boy, the subject of a UK TV documentary, felt that he was expected to ‘choose’ whether to be a boy or a girl. Under first analysis, there seems to be little more foundation than a desire to play games and wear clothes usually associated with the opposite sex, but another, darker, factor to consider is how casual sexism and homophobia affect these children. One mother posted on Twitter of being proud that her child would be able to get married in a church now she is ‘trans’: her religion would have rejected her gay son but embraces her ‘trans’ daughter. One young boy who now ‘lives as a girl’ spoke of how he looked forward to hugging and kissing his future husband. One teenage girl who has had both breasts removed talks about how great it is to be able to go topless on the beach at last.

Any suggestion that the child’s behaviour is a rebellion against society’s gender stereotypes is met with insistence that it is more than that- parents will also say the child insisted they felt like the opposite sex; that they were ‘born in the wrong body’.   It seems astonishing that we’re willing to set a child up for a lifetime of beguilement, medication and surgery based on little more than what have been described as ‘the whims of toddlers’.

My friend’s 4 year old niece thought her new fairy wings would actually make her fly. My brother-in-law was absolutely certain, aged six, that if he jumped off the top of the woodpile often enough, he would eventually take off. I was probably six or seven before I stopped believing that my toys came to life at night and talked to each other. Kids believe weird stuff. That’s one of the reasons why they need adults to protect them.

The trans-identifying child likes the toys, clothing and hobbies more often associated with the opposite sex, and this leads to a feeling that they actually ARE the opposite sex. Push further, you hit a wall. The girl likes boy stuff. She ‘feels’ like a boy. The child is distressed; the parents are distressed, it’s an awful situation and it may seem like there’s a quick fix, but that fix is based on a lie. A boy cannot possibly know what it feels like to be a girl. Beyond biological structure, there is no one single experience of being a girl, and while neuroscientists can often make an educated guess, they cannot tell whether a brain is male or female. Outside of the realms of sparkly unicorns, giant alien lizards and those who like a nice cup of mushroom tea at bedtime, it is not possible to be ‘born in the wrong body’, and until recently it was perfectly fine to admit that we all know that. So how have we so very, very quickly reached a point where we are medicating pre-pubescent children, telling them they it is possible to magically ‘change sex’ and removing healthy body parts?

The new idea is that a girl who says she is a boy, or a boy who says he is a girl, should immediately have the idea affirmed and their pronouns changed, and that anyone who says otherwise is transphobic and guilty of supporting conversion therapy. People have lost their jobs for questioning that this might not necessarily be the best route. There’s even an idea going around that children of parents who do not affirm their trans identity should be removed from their homes and placed in state care.

‘Conversion therapy’ really does sound awful, a throw back to the beatings, electric shocks and brainwashing that lesbians and gay men were subjected to mid-20th century. So what exactly is it? We aren’t talking beatings, electric shocks and brainwashing here.

‘Conversion therapy’ is the label currently being given to the idea of trying to help children feel more comfortable in their skin and learn to be happy with the body they have. It seems odd to suggest it isn’t worth giving this a go. After all, we know that historically, around 80% of GNC kids grow up to be lesbian or gay.

We’re talking about listening to a child, discussing their feelings and making sure that a child genuinely understands that hating pink & liking Bob the Builder, or fancying girls and really, really wanting to be the lead singer of 21 Pilots, doesn’t actually mean she IS a boy.

We’re talking about telling a child that he doesn’t have to change his body because of his hobbies or the clothes he likes to wear; that liking sparkles and pink and dancing doesn’t make him any less of a boy. We’re talking about telling a child that she is perfect just as she is and she doesn’t need to change herself to fit society’s notions of what is acceptable gendered behaviour. We’re talking about encouraging the ever-increasing number of teenage girls who hate their changing bodies and want their breasts removed to take it slowly, wait a while before jumping ship; no need to change your name to Aiden, Skyler, Alex or Ryan just yet…

How could anyone possibly think this is a bad idea?


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 02.22.33

Do you want a live son or a dead daughter?

The attempted suicide rate is high among people who identify as transgender and worried parents and concerned teachers everywhere are being told that a child who is repeatedly misgendered, or not allowed to ‘live as their authentic self’ is likely to kill themselves. The phrase ‘do you want a live son or a dead daughter?’ comes up over and over again. Yet at the same time we are supposed to believe that identifying as transgender is not a sign of mental illness. This demand for ‘doublethink’ is also implicit in the idea that transitioning a child is somehow an act of authenticity, and the idea that a boy who says he is a girl is, literally, a girl.

Our media is awash with the idea that young people who identify as trans will kill themselves- or at very least self harm – if their belief that they are ‘trapped in the wrong body’ is not immediately affirmed by everyone about them. This is irresponsible reporting for several reasons.

The UK government website reports that, “probably the most important influence promoting (suicide) clusters to develop is the spread of news about suicides via the media.”

A US government website adds, ‘Reports of suicide should not be repetitive, as prolonged exposure can increase the likelihood of suicide contagion… media coverage should not report oversimplified explanations”.

Journalists are aware of these guidelines, but for some reason ethical considerations go out of the window when reporting on the issue of transgender youth. We do not hear over and over again, for example, how people who suffer with anorexia are 56 times more likely to kill themselves than those who don’t. (Archives of General Psychiatry, Vol. 60, No. 2). We don’t hear how 25-50% of people with bipolar disorder, and 60% of men with schizophrenia, will attempt suicide at least once.

We don’t see articles about suicide in these vulnerable groups regurgitated over and over again, because the press knows it would be irresponsible reporting. Yet where trans-identified children are concerned, the media seems to react with an almost ghoulish glee, all attempts to stick to the truth go out of the window, and articles containing wild speculation and- in the recent tragic case of Louise/Alex/Leo Etherington- downright lies are reported in the press.

The message such reporting gives is affirmative: it tells people, especially the young, that suicide is an acceptable and viable solution to their problems. We know that suicide contagion is a very real thing. Despite this, thankfully, the numbers of trans-identifying children who do kill themselves seems to be low, and the sensationalist press mostly has to make do with speculation and inaccurate reporting.

The most renowned statistic quoted in favour of early transition is ’41% of trans people attempt suicide’. This is regularly trotted out in the press and sometimes reported as high as 48%. But the self-report survey included not just trans-identified but also gender nonconforming and gay adults, and the definition of ‘attermpting’ suicide was murky. One survey cited by many organisations as having 2,000 transgender participants had only 27. There are several excellent articles available online which unravel this statistic.

The figures are shocking and sad even if they are exaggerated. Trans-identifed people are at a far higher risk of suicide than most of us. This is wrong and we should be trying to do something about it. If early transition really does produce better long term outcomes for these children, then it must be a good thing, right? Well, there are actually no studies that show this to be true.

Becoming a life-long medical patient doesn’t seem to help lessen feelings of desperation in the long run. Testosterone has been shown to increase feelings of anger, oestrogen can kill sexual desire. Meds must be maintained and surgeries have complications. Figures from the National Centre for Transgender Equality show that post-op trans-identified people report higher levels of suicide attempts but doesn’t note if the attempt was pre or post-transition. However, a transgender-identifying person who has medically transitioned is 7.5% more likely to have attempted suicide at some point in their life than a transgender-identifying person who hasn’t.

Although these statistics don’t show that transition itself directly increases suicide rates, there are none that show it lessens suicidal feelings in the long run. Yet people rush to tell the parents of children who may never have expressed suicidal thoughts- and even the children themselves- about the high suicide rates of dysphoric people. When it’s suggested that transition is a miracle cure for any problem faced by someone with dysphoria, people start to believe it.

A child feeling dysphoria is already confused and unhappy. Understandably, if they hear or read about the high rate of attempted suicides, they may think, “If I don’t transition, I will die”. From there it’s only a short step to telling parents ‘Support me or I’ll kill myself’. Everywhere they look, they’re being told that this is normal ‘trans’ behaviour; that’s what ‘real’ transgender kids do. Suicide-idealisation is fast becoming an essential part of trans-identification. As one woman reflected:

“As a teenager, I was once advised by an older trans-identified person that if I told people I had no suicide history, no one would believe me.”

There is no evidence to suggest that transition actually reduces suicidality, and while there is a chance it increases it, why would we be rushing into transitioning kids? Instead of ‘let him play with dolls; let her cut her hair off, let them love who they like in the bodies they’ve got,’ parents are being told, ’Would you rather have a live son or a dead daughter?’. No wonder they are terrified. The pressure to transition so young means children who might well have resolved their issues have their pronouns and names changed as young as three. Now, that’s what I call ‘conversion therapy’.


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 02.53.46

Where are all these ‘transkids’ coming from?

When a friend of mine’s five year old son wore a princess dress to a school friend’s party, she received several emails from well-meaning parents that linked to ‘How to Tell if Your Child Is Transgender’ articles. She is not concerned about her son’s preference for all things ‘girly’; She is extremely concerned that some well-meaning, over-zealous parent or teacher may convince her son that he was ‘born in the wrong body’ and as such should be destined for a lifetime of trying to ‘pass’ as a girl. She also feels uncomfortable that other parents seemed almost excited about the prospect: as if her child could be seen as a trophy of the group’s progressive inclusivity.

Another friend recently visited a potential secondary school for her child and was struck by the zeal with which the head teacher spoke of ‘our transgender students’: as if their inclusion were some sort of badge of honour for the school. Trans is new! Trans is exciting! Look how ‘down with the kids’ we are!

A recent thread on mumsnet discussed a young lesbian who ‘fits a male gender role’ and was being bullied at school for refusing to say she is transgender. The girl wasn’t getting support from staff at the school: evidently she irritated the teachers because she ‘triggered the trans kids’. How many transgender children ARE there in this 12 year old’s class? We are never told.

We do know, however, that at St Paul’s Girls, a London private school that sent 108 students to university in 2016, there are currently at least ten transgender students in the 6th form. At eighteen, these girls can begin medical transition even without their parents’ support. And how tempting that must be, when everyone around them is telling them how brave and special and different they are. Young people love to experiment. Unlike young women who often experiment with different sexual identities (sometimes known as ‘GUG’ or ‘gay until graduation’) being ‘trans for college’ may leave testosterone-taking girls with a host of medical problems (discussed below) even if they don’t opt for surgery.  Most universities will support students 100% in their transition, & even help to ‘hide’ them from ‘unsupportive’ parents.

Being gay is so 20th century. Trans-teens get to be born again. They tear up the old photos; they throw away the clothes; it was the old them, the ‘wrong’ them that made all those mistakes. The name that symbolises their childhood becomes a ‘deadname’. They don’t look far into the future, of course not, because they’re kids and they know they’re right.

They get to start again. It sounds like a sunrise.


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 03.11.19

So what about schools?

While we might think that schools, with their emphasis on tradition, uniformity and practicality, would be a voice of common sense in all this, it seems that the KoolAid has been flowing freely in NUT meetings. The National Union of Teachers has recently decided that transgender issues should have higher profile in schools. Teachers may now find themselves pressured into actively supporting the ideology that defines GNC children as trans. Already, a gender critical teacher needs to keep his mouth zipped for fear of making problems for himself. If a school has an ‘accept chosen pronouns’ policy, a teacher will have to refer to a girl as a boy, even if he knows perfectly well that she is a girl. We have reached a situation where a teacher may have to chose between lying to a child- and hence being complicit in the child’s beguilement- or losing her job. This is already happening in America, where one teacher has lost her job, and a private school is being sued for not cooperating with a boy’s family’s request that he is referred to as a girl.


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 03.14.14

Who are these gender experts & what’s in it for them?

So who are these experts so keen to transition your kids in the name of self-expression and authenticity? There are three main organisations that have influence in the UK: GIRES, Gendered Intelligence & Mermaids.

GIRES (the Gender Identity and Research Society) has a very impressive sounding name but is neither a professional organisation, nor one with an academic foundation. Like others, it was set up by the parents of a transgender child. GIRES wants to teach ‘gender theory’ to children as young as two, and it seems that the teachers’ union is on board with this. Never has the acronym ‘NUT’ seemed so appropriate. GIRES is sending ‘gender experts’ into schools to fill the heads of kids with the notion that being ‘trans’ makes you a ‘special penguin’ (See the booklets here and spot the bad grammar.)

GIRES tells teachers that that such snowflakery should be rewarded with a cake or a party. This can only serve to confuse kids young enough to believe in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. GIRES is quite candid about its desire to teach small children about transgender ideology “before children’s views become influenced by the prejudices of the adults around them”. This is an astonishing admission of the wish to influence very small children’s thinking about issues they can’t possibly understand. The result of one such talk in a primary school was discussed on another mumsnet thread, where a parent – who had not been told the talk was going to take place- reported on her children’s response. Her eldest told her “you can choose whether to be a girl or a boy and you can take hormones to change…” whilst her youngest told her they “couldn’t decide whether to be a boy or a girl… and wanted to know what medicine to take.” Funny, not funny.

Gendered Intelligence is another organisation with an impressive sounding name, on a mission to educate youngsters. Its website says that GI has a ‘special interest’ in young trans people under 21. Indeed, GI produces a helpful booklet about gender for young people, which contains this positively phallocentric piece of relationship advice:

“A woman is still a woman, even if she enjoys getting blow jobs. A man is still a man, even if he likes getting penetrated vaginally.”

Thanks, Gendered Intelligence. That’s all nice and clear then.

Mermaids’, frequently mentioned in the press as a suggested first port of call for the parents of gender questioning kids, is another organisation run by high-profile parents who believe their children to be ‘born in the wrong body’. One (now a young adult) is lauded on YouTube as ‘the world’s youngest transexual’ and has had his quest to become a beauty queen televised.  He was taken abroad for gender reassignment surgery aged 16. His mother, Susie Green is CEO of Mermaids.

Susie Green is insistent that ‘girls like playing with dolls houses’ and emphasises the importance of children ‘fitting in’. Mermaids staff have repeatedly called the parents of trans-identified children ‘bitches’ and ‘TERFs’ on Twitter, and have ‘liked’ transactivists calls for violence against gender critical women.

At the time of writing, there is still not a single testimony on the ‘Mermaids’ website from a family whose child who didn’t turn out to be ‘truly’ transgender. The parents of children who have desisted tend to keep quiet. The existence of desisters and detransitioners is uncomfortable to much of the trans community. Children that desists are dismissed as ‘never really trans’ and their voices are rarely heard.

Mermaids has received funding from both the ‘National Lottery’ and ‘Children in Need’ and is to be found at PRIDE marches and events, offering children bags of sweets and cuddles with a cute puppy.

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 03.30.49


It shouldn’t be surprising that the parents of transitioned children are so passionately supportive of the necessity of transition, and are keen to welcome others on board. Many of them have been through hell living with their child’s dysphoria and/or gender non-conformity and seeing the unhappiness it has caused. With the help of the internet, and ‘experts’ like those mentioned above, many parents come to the conclusion that being ‘born in the wrong body’ really is a thing; that there actually are pink brains and blue brains and that their child will be happiest if their outside is ‘fixed’ to fit the inside so they can conform to their society’s gender stereotypes. For a few of these children it may indeed turn out to be true that they need to present as the opposite sex to live a fulfilling adult life- for a very, very few it may even be a question of survival. But these numbers are historically tiny and the current epidemic is resulting in the transitioning of young people at an exponential rate. It is not easy to have a trans-identified child. You fear for them so much. My eldest daughter identified as a boy for 9 months.  I know that most parents love their children more than anything; and they’ve made tough decisions in taking the advice of the gender experts. They’ve changed their children’s names; their pronouns; even their bodies. Their worlds and families have been turned upside down. Many are minor celebrities. They have to believe they’ve made the right decisions, and the more ‘transkids’ out there, the more reasonable those choices seem: the more they are reassured that they have not made a terrible mistake. All this, despite there being no historical evidence of ‘transgender’ children at any point in history prior to the last 30 years.

These organisations don’t tell kids about the future that awaits them When the affirm that a girl is actually a boy, or vice versa. Once everyone around you is reinforcing your delusion it must become very hard to turn back from the glitter-strewn yellow brick road. It’s even harder for those who detransition. 21 year old Zhara says, “It sounds weird so I don’t usually say it. It’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing to go back.”

When organisations encourage young kids to use ‘preferred pronouns’ and change their names, they don’t tell them the details of the operations that they’ll need if they want to look like a ‘real’ man or woman- and rightly so. The gruesome tales are not bedtime stories for little boys who just want to wear a tutu and take a doll to bed or a little girl who wants short hair so it doesn’t blow around while she plays football. They can find out about all that later, after the puberty blockers. They don’t tell these kids that relocated nipples can peel away after breast removal and that the scar tissue may always be painful. They don’t tell them that neo-vaginas can grow hair on the inside; that they need constant dilating or they’ll heal up, that many transwomen are never comfortable having – or even able to have – penetrative sex. Nor that some transwomen report that ‘it hurts a little when I stand’ even years ‘post-op’. They don’t tell little girls that they’ll have to have large strips of skin cut from their arms or thighs if they want to have a neo-penis, that it may well leak urine, and that they’ll probably have to inflate and deflate their new toy with a pump if they ever want to have penetrative sex. They don’t tell kids that many people – even those who grow to love them- may feel unable to enter into a physical relationship under those circumstances, or to take on a life-long medical patient as a partner, or that potential partners may not be able to swallow the big ‘born in the wrong body’ fairytale. They don’t tell kids that they may have to face a lifetime of being ‘misgendered’ even if they do enlist a cocktail of expensive and dangerous medication to help perpetuate the illusion. They don’t tell them that some people around them will be walking on eggshells and others will whisper behind their backs. They tell them only that anyone who questions transition is ‘transphobic’ and full of hatred, and that they are special.

These kids are being lied to by the very people they should be able to trust: doctors, psychiatrists and teachers. They are being reinvented, medicated and operated on in some creepy Dr Moreau-ish experiment that can only end in disaster for most of them. How hard is it to see that gender is a performance which makes parodies of us all?

Far from being an expression of authenticity, Transtopia is an symptom of how incredibly superficial our ‘civilised’ society has become. Transitioning children is wrong. It is child abuse. I will die on this hill.

Girls who have short hair and like to wear band T shirts are frequently asked what their ‘preferred pronouns’ are, while no-one dreams of asking the same question of a girl in a dress. This gives GNC kids the message that they don’t ‘do girl’ properly, or that they’re not ‘man enough’ to be a ‘real’ boy. This is not progressive: this is sexist nonsense.

GIRES suggests to teachers that children who come out as transgender should have a party thrown for them, or a cake presented to them by the school. Numerous authors – I use the word lightly – are throwing together badly-illustrated books teaching kids how special and exciting it is to be transgender. These books tell kids that gender identity is more important than biology and that if they’re ‘not like all the rest’ and don’t want to do boy/girl things, it’s almost certainly because they are transgender.

Meanwhile, boys who identify as girls and run and win races on girls’ sports teams are called brave and pioneering. Girls that don’t want to share a changing room with, and undress in front of, these boys are called bigoted and transphobic.

The ’80% of GNC kids grow up to become happy gays’ statistic is almost certainly a thing of the past, because these kids are being transitioned so young they aren’t being given the chance to find out if they’re gay. Make no mistake, this is gay eugenics in action.

Nobody these days gives a shit what the gay kids might think or need. Gay is so 20th century. Let’s ask ourselves: what could possibly go wrong here?


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 14.40.28How young is too young to transition?

Gender ‘expert’ Diane Ehrensaft, a PhD Developmental Psychologist, famously made the bizarre claim that a boy transgender baby may unsnap his sleepsuit to make a dress; a girl baby may pull out her barrettes (hairgrips).

Reports in the press suggest that parents are transitioning children as young as two because of their preference for the ‘wrong’ toys and clothing.


Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 14.56.18

Why is this happening and who profits?

For various reasons, a lot of people are very invested in the idea that there are transgender children. Gender is a performance, a set of social stereotypes that are especially damaging to females. So why are we forcing little kids into gendered boxes instead of telling them they are amazing just as they are, especially when the physical and psychological costs of transition are so clear?

The ‘Foundation for Funding for Trans Communities’ writes about the medicalisation of intersex children and how this leads to “sterility, ongoing pain, scarring, loss of sensation and function”. It seems fair to assume that the medicalisation of trans-identifying children could lead to similar outcomes.

One organisation that would probably not agree is Transfigurations. Transfigurations runs Rainbow LGBT play days for children- complete with free juice and bouncy castles- where kids can lean about ‘trans and LGB’ (see what they did there?) issues. Their website frequently features paying advertisements from plastic surgeons.

Which brings us onto a very big question – just who is making money out of this? Well, sales of the puberty-supressing drug Lupron have rocketed in the last few years. About 900 reports dealing with long-term side effects in children under the age of 13 have been reported to the FDA, including bone and mobility problems. The manufacturers of Lupron are known not to be shy about promoting its off-label use- in 2001, Lupron’s then-provider was fined $875 million for conspiracy to violate prescribing laws.

“We do know that there is some decrease in bone density during treatment with pubertal suppression,” says Dr Courtney Finlayson, who is happy to prescribe puberty blockers for children nonetheless.

“The bottom line is we don’t really know how sex hormones impact any adolescent’s brain development,” says paediatrician Dr. Lisa Simons.

What we do know is that puberty blockers, proclaimed to be harmless by those who prescribe them and advocate their use, do not just buy time. Side effects are not just physical as is so often suggested – it seems that the trans-identifying children given puberty blockers invariably go on to transition.

‘I have never had anyone who was put on blockers, that did not want to pursue cross-sex hormone transition at a later point.” says Dr. Johanna Olson, medical director for Trans-youth at Children’s Hospital LA.

This is hardly surprising. The child has expressed the belief that they are ‘in the wrong body’ and this has been affirmed by those the child trusts. Social transition has followed, then consultations & medication. The child’s peers have gone through puberty, but this child has not, which can only serve to increase feelings of ‘difference’ and dysphoria. The child’s parents and doctors have supported these decisions: sometimes even made them for the child. Is it any surprise that these children believe that what is happening to them is right or that they might swallow second thoughts in order to avoid feeling they have let down those who’ve supported and love them?

Side effects of testosterone, which is used by trans-identifying girls (usually, but certainly not always, those aged sixteen or over) to help develop facial hair and deeper voices, can include male-pattern baldness, acne, breathing problems, anger, dysphoria and irritability, to name but a few of the 50-plus side effects listed at at

Dr Helen Webberley was recently legally prevented from writing private prescriptions for testosterone to girls as young as twelve.  If activists have their way, this will become the norm.

The San Diego LGBT centre warns: “Use of progesterone in hormone treatment may increase this risk. Transgender women who have taken hormones may be at increased risk for breast cancer. Excess testosterone in the body can be converted to estrogen. Excess estrogen increases the risk of breast cancer.”

So we know that medicating teenagers with testosterone and and progesterone may cause a whole host of negative side effects, from increasing the dysphoria the drugs are intended to help treat, to cancer and sterility. Why are we still doing it? Why are we still not even supposed to question the morality of doing it?

In 2013, sales of testosterone topped 2.4 billion annually. In 2016 the Guardian ran an article stating that ‘Analysis of more than 200 studies conducted since 1950 finds no validity to drug industry’s portrayal of testosterone as akin to a miracle drug for ageing men’. Nonetheless, by 2018, annual revenue generated from testosterone drug sales in the United States is expected to reach 3.8 billion U.S. dollars.

Now there’s a new market for testosterone- young women.

The trans health website ‘revel and riot’ warns females that once they have developed beards and body hair, stopping testosterone won’t make the hair disappear.

In the words of one young woman who spent a year on testosterone before re-identifying as a girl: ”I sound male… my voice will never change… I’m 17 & I’ve already ruined my life”.

‘Revel & Riot’ also warns against the male pattern baldness that is often triggered by testosterone and suggests that women may want to take yet another drug, Finasteride, to try to prevent it. Finasteride was originally developed to treat enlarged prostates. In 2008 it had global sales of $750 million.

Finasteride is unlikely to be beneficial to transgender people in the long run, reports the Journal of Experimental Dermatology, as, “the drug has been associated with inducing depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation, symptoms that are particularly common in patients with gender dysphoria, who are already at a high risk.”

Of course, trans-identifying kids will then need medication for the above symptoms as well: and so the endlessly profitable cycle of medication continues.

But we all know Big Pharma is in it for the money. Who else profits?

Whilst many therapists do have medical or psychology degrees, anyone can call themselves a gender therapist and many gender therapists identify as trans themselves. There’s no certification or credentialing process that you have to go through to be able to award yourself the title. One gender therapist is quite candid about this on her website, suggesting that it helps to “be able to say ‘I am a member of this; I am a member of that.’”

Anyone can become a supporting member of WPATH, the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. Membership will look pretty good on your website or headed notepaper and it’s a snip at just over $200 a year.

Or you can take this handy 1-hour-long, GIRES approved ‘Gender Variance’ course.

See? Invest a little time and money and your gender specialist credentials are already looking pretty good.

The big money-makers are the doctors. Not just the doctors who prescribe hormones or puberty blockers to kids, but the surgeons.

Let’s briefly take a moment to reflect on the words of the somewhat baffled Dr Joanna Olson, a US paediatrition whose Wikipedia entry calls her ‘a national expert and leading figure in the care of transgender youth.”

Dr Olson admits, “We don’t know which ones like to do things the other gender does and which ones actually are transgender.”

Yet there are surgeons in America who will remove the breasts of trans-identifying girls as young as 13.  It’s not all just going on over there though – there’s a doctor in Brighton, England who is happy to perform double mastectomies on healthy girls under the age of eighteen. There are surgeons in America who will attempt to create a penis out of the arm or thigh flesh of girls as young as fifteen. Dr Curtis Crane, a phalloplasty surgeon, has been the defendant in no less than six lawsuits this year: his office says it is ‘very accustomed’ to treating ‘top surgery’ patients under 18. He continues to practice. Or should that be practise?

Currently, young women in the UK are usually recommended to have a hysterectomy after more than 5 years on testosterone due to atrophy of the ovaries and the potential risk of cancer. This means that in many cases, the use of testosterone results in sterility. The Swedish govenment has recently agreed to compensate young adults who underwent sterilisation as part of their gender reassignment surgery. An actor who was sterlised at 21 said:

“I was way too young to understand what it means not ever being able to have children of your own. I didn’t understand what I was saying yes to.”

Trans regret is ‘a thing’ however unpopular it is to talk about it, and we need to face the horrifying fact that many of these kids will grow up to resent what was done to them and question why nobody tried to stop it.

In a trailer for the new series of ‘I am Jazz’, one doctor tells trans poster-child teen Jazz Jennings that he probably couldn’t make him an artificial vagina because the puberty blockers Jazz has been taking “didn’t do you any favours down below” whilst another tells him, “for surgery, we don’t have the raw materials we need”. In the same trailer Jazz, who socially transitioned a decade ago, shouts: “I hate myself!”

Earlier this month sixteen—year-old Jazz posted on Twitter that he has found a doctor, a transexual father of three called Marci who has over a thousand ‘gender reassignment’ surgeries under his belt and believes he can perform a successful vaginoplasy for Jazz. While many might be dubious of the abilities of a two year old to articulte such a thought, Jazz claims “At age 2, I said, “When is the good fairy going to change my penis into a vagina. Marci is that good fairy”.

While Jazz embarks on a third season of his TV show, publishes his first book and announces that the world’s first’ transgender doll’ has been modelled on him, it would surely be rational to conclude that the medicalisation of trans-identifying children should be a last resort.

Meanwhile, those with children who desisted in trans-identification are rarely given a voice in the mainstream press. Over and again, journalists contact us saying they are interested to hear our stories, agree with what we say, and then go away and write articles running on the usual pro-transition format. Who can blame them on some level? A ‘transphobic’ journalist will be no-platformed by many publications, and you certainly aren’t going to win any awards that way. This is not about wanting 15 minutes of fame: most of us fiercely protect our children’s identities. The problem is that the worried parents of GNC kids don’t get to hear what we have to say, they just hear the whispers of ‘transphobia’ and ‘suicide’. They don’t get to hear that there are other ways of trying to help your child feel comfortable in their skin, and that gender-critical parents can provide the love and support to help their child. Papers and magazines are scared to print our words for fear of being seen as transphobic. Many of us use pseudonyms on social media because of the hate directed at us, while ‘trans’ children- almost always boys- are paraded across our TV screens and newspapers, in a perverse spectacle masquerading as a documentary and a lolita-esque flurry of pink, glitter and lollipops.

You couldn’t make it up.

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 15.00.33

Transgenderism is sexist.

If we could start to really accept that gendered behaviour is a social construct, a set of stereotypical behaviours that we are taught belong to men or women, not some innate disposition gifted by a fairy at birth, then maybe the clouds overhanging a generation of dysphoric children could start to lift.

The wonderful Peachyoghurt expresses gender perfectly in her YouTube video ‘Gender for Dummies in 5 Minutes’. She stands before two plastic storage boxes, a pink one for girls and a blue one for boys. In the pink box is make-up; a Barbie hat; a beauty set. In the blue box is a toy car; a hammer and a Power Rangers hat. Peach is a woman who likes the stuff in the blue box.

“Am I transgender,” she asks her viewers, “or am I a woman who happens to love the blue box?… Who needs those freaking boxes? Get rid of them!”
She knocks the boxes to the floor.
“This is what we do: put all the stuff in one pile and everybody picks … man, woman, who cares… if a girl wants this, go ahead! We can pick all we want, and we can rip up the boxes… just be yourselves. Isn’t that great?”

Now there’s a thought.






Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

My first article- “A Mum’s Voyage Through Transtopia”

Screen Shot 2017-11-09 at 00.27.18

My daughter Jessie identified as a boy for about nine months. She was insistent and persistent and wanted to change her pronouns; register at college as a boy and visit a gender therapist. I said no.

Jessie will be going to university next year. I have never seen her so buoyant and enthusiastic about her future. She is happy and confident in her body (she doesn’t slouch any more) and her relationships (she has a new girlfriend) & I am grateful every day that things worked out for her the way they did. Many young people are not so lucky, and many families are being torn apart by the current trend in identity politics.

This article was the first thing I ever wrote on gender issues. It was published on the 4thwavenow site in December 2016 and I link to it on my blog homepage. It has to date received over 400 comments. Those comments in themselves make fascinating and moving reading, and many of them are documented in my blog post ‘my mother heart bleeds‘. You can read the article below, but if you want the comments on the 4thwavenow site you can find them here.


My daughter Jessie was not a ‘girly’ girl.

As a small child she was often mistaken for a boy, despite her long hair, because mostly she wore jeans and dinosaur tops. She didn’t care much for the pastels, glitter, hearts and lace that tends to fill the girls’ section of most stores. Growing up, she liked Dora the Explorer and Ben 10; she liked Lego and Bratz dolls. Occasionally, she chose a pink sparkly top, or a crystal ballerina for the Christmas tree.

Once, when she was about 7, a woman in a second-hand shop said to her, “Oh you’re a GIRL! Why are you playing with that dirty old truck? Here’s a nice doll.”

So I bought her the truck to make a point, and on the way home we talked about how silly it was to have different toys for boys and girls. We always applauded the strong women in movies and cartoons. My kids would tell me, “Mum, you’d like this film, there’s a Strong Female Role in it.”

Jessie played with both boys and girls growing up; she had siblings; she was sociable; she had a wide circle of friends. She did ballet

for half a term, but tripped over her feet and hated it. She tried football, but tripped over her feet and hated getting up early. She liked jujitsu and roller skating, drawing and writing stories. She hated skirts and dresses and tomatoes.

By age 12, she was spending a lot of time online. She had a Facebook account and loved YouTube, music videos, cat videos; Naruto and Hannah Montana. She hung out mostly with a small group of close girlfriends, but mixed well with anyone. At 13 she had her own iPhone and laptop, and worshipped One Direction. At 14, she began watching videos by lesbian YouTubers Rose and Rosie, and ElloSteph. For the most part, I liked them. These young women were funny, happy and confident, and they gave out good life advice. Their videos were well composed, although there was a bit too much of the obligatory YouTube navel-gazing  for my liking.

Jessie, slightly goth, long dyed dark hair and occasional black eyeliner, always in jeans and a band T shirt, Jessie came out as gay just before her 15th birthday . I wasn’t surprised. She’d briefly ‘dated’ a boy she’d kn

own since she was five but it was obviously no great passion, so I had suspected she was going to tell me weeks before she did. Shortly afterwards she made a ‘coming out’ YouTube video and posted it on her Facebook page. She said she was ‘gay’; she didn’t use the word ‘lesbian’. I did think she was quite young to define her sexuality so suddenly and utterly, and declare it to the world before she had even had a relationship. By this time, I was very aware of the part YouTube youth culture played in the decision to ‘go public’ with a video. I told her that, but I wasn’t shocked or discouraging.  I had a few girlfriends myself when I was younger. If she was a lesbian, so be it. I just wanted her to be happy and healthy.

Soon thereafter, Jessie began watching ‘trans

itioning’ videos on YouTube with her friends and siblings: cute boys who became girls and cute girls who became boys; endless slideshows of their stories, entitled, ‘My Transition Timeline’.

The girls all had the same sideways smiles and little bum-fluff beards. “I never liked pink,” they declared, “I never liked dresses, I wasn’t attracted to boys. I wore guy clothing.” The boys twisted their long hair as they spoke through heavily lipsticked lips, leaning forward coyly and peering out from over-mascara’ed lashes.  “I always liked pink,” they cooed, “I played with girls’ toys.” I wondered why this generation seemed desperate to put itself into boxes and mark them with labels, but mostly I worried that my kids were spending too much time online.

“Read a book; go outside!” was my mantra. “Turn off the internet and put down your phone.”

Jessie took me to a YouTube convention and we sat at the front during the LGBT discussion. She h

ad a crush on a high-profile teen who identified as a boy. Chris was on hormones and had had a double mastectomy. Chris was kind to Jessie at the ‘meet and greet’ afterwards and posed for a photo. I didn’t see Chris as a boy, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. What I do remember was those eyes, like a frightened rabbit, a frail little thing despite the smiles.

Jessie asked to cut her long hair short. I said, “Of course.” I was surprised how much it suited her. We donated her hair to the Little Princess Trust, to be made into wigs for children with cancer.

Jessie still had her phone 24/7. I ‘trusted’ her, despite knowing that many of her friends were online half the night. I knew some of them self-harmed, or starved themselves, or posted half-naked pictures online. I know now that it isn’t about trust. No one ever thinks their child is doing that stuff. Social media cliques are like a spiral, ever more insular and self-serving. They are more than the sum of the pa

rts of their users. The internet can be a great source of support, but whole online communities have grown up to normalise disturbing behaviours: from the personification of eating disorders with Ana and Mia, through forums where kids discuss who cuts the deepest or most frequently. If my bright, happy child was vulnerable, anybody’s child can be vulnerable. You can’t ‘trust’ your child not to get drawn into a cult, any more than you can trust them not to get run over by a truck.

A month after cutting her hair, Jessie said she had something to tell me. She was distraught, red-faced and bleary-eyed. There was a tiny part of me that knew what she was going to say, although I didn’t realise it until later. After almost an hour of pacing the room she grabbed a pen and wrote on a scrap of paper, ‘I am transgender’.

Despite having half-known what she was going to say, I was shocked. I had heard of people who said they’d always known they were ‘in the wrong body’ but there had never been anything in Jessie’s past to suggest that might be the case with her. She insisted the signs had always been there. She hated wearing dresses, she used male avatars in video games, she didn’t want to flirt with boys. She didn’t ‘feel’ like a girl.

“Do you want to go on hormones?” I asked, at one point during that first conversation. “You’d grow a beard.” I added, pointlessly.

She nodded. She never mentioned surgery, but I saw it looming in her future. The prospect terrified me. I didn’t know what to say.  So I said, “It’ll be ok.”

She seemed much happier after telling me and then went to bed, a million miles away, in her room next to mine. I went to bed too, and the darkness screamed at me. I got up again, and spent the night googling ‘transgender’ and crying. I tried to be open-minded. I wanted to support Jessie more than anything; to do the best thing to help her, but I was sure transition wasn’t the answer she needed. I told myself I was open-minded, but was I really? Was I in denial? I slept very little over the following weeks.

I spoke to a lesbian friend, in a panic.  “What does he want to do next?” she inquired.  I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach.

One of the first places I looked for information was the National Health Service website, because I presumed there would be impartial advice: something about helping people with the issue of reconciling their bodies with their identity. I thought that thinking you were transgender would be treated as a mental health issue; surely  transition would be recommended as a last resort.

I typed ‘NHS transgender’ into Google, and the first article that appeared was the story of a boxing promoter who came out as transgender  at age 60; about  his ‘dreams, diaries and dress-ups’. A link on that site led to the children’s trans support group, ‘Mermaids’. which is run by parents who believe their children are born in the wrong bodies. Their advice to confused teens, in the section ‘I think I’m trans, what do I do?’ is ‘you can speak to your GP  without your parents being able to know if you are not comfortable with coming out to them yet.’ Next, I flipped through the testimonials from parents. Mermaids receives UK lottery funding and is often the first port of call for concerned parents in the UK.  As far as I could tell, every single child mentioned on the site has transitioned.

Another link on the NHS transgender page led me to a glossy brochure called ‘Living my Life’, featuring studio photos of good-looking transgender people. It struck me as more of an advert for plastic surgery than an information booklet.

A spikey-haired 20-something plays a guitar and shouts into the camera. ’We’re here for a good time, not a long time.’  A coiffed and manicured blonde wears a low-cut salmon pink top, and a pair of surgically enhanced breasts take up most of the bottom half of the picture.  ’I was always me but I just didn’t look like me.’

There was nothing on either of those two links about helping kids to reconcile with their natal sex. Nothing about working through it; nothing about learning to love yourself as you are. I saw nothing stating the obvious: that a healthy natal boy has a penis and testicles and a healthy natal girl has a vulva and vagina, and that both sexes should be able to do all the things they love while wearing whatever damn outfit takes their fancy.

I typed ‘Am I transgender?’ into Google and clicked on the link to One word filled the screen: a black YES on a white background.

“I want to change my pronouns,” Jessie announced. “I’m a boy in a girl’s body.”

“How can you know what a boy feels like, when you’re a girl?” I demanded.

She couldn’t or wouldn’t answer.

“You’re a girl,” I insisted. “You can do anything as a girl, achieve anything as a girl that you could if you were a boy, but you can’t just become a boy any more than you can become a cat. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Go away.”

My eyes were opened over the next few weeks. Staying up most of the night, every night, Google led me beyond YouTube, to Reddit, to Tumblr, to Pinterest and Instagram. To posts about pink, clothing, hair and make-up. To seemingly endless pictures and slideshows of men, dressed like pornstars, claiming to be women. Vague explanations about ‘feeling’ different; about ‘being yourself’. It led me to videos of girls in checked shirts with cute quiffs and bound breasts, who genuinely believed they were gay men. They talked of ‘gender identity’ and the sex they’d been ‘assigned at birth’, as if births were attended by a gender fairy who absent-mindedly distributed random gifts of genitalia. A huge amount of importance was attached to public bathroom access and locker rooms of one’s choice. Endless posts claiming, in all seriousness, that ‘misgendering’ transpeople is an act of violence tantamount to trying to kill them, and how the only way to stop the feeling of dysphoria is to embrace transition and start living as your ‘preferred gender’. Immediately. There is no shortage of gender therapists offering to help a child do that, because if you even suspect you might be trans, then you probably are. Type ‘child gender therapist UK’ into Google and you get over 15 million results.

Everywhere I looked, the internet seemed eager to affirm that transition was a simple and marvellous thing, the one and only solution to all the problems of physical and social dysphoria. If you don’t support your child’s transition, parents are warned over and over again, they will probably try to kill themselves.

I learned a lot. I learned that if you don’t believe a man can become a woman; if you are gender critical, you will be called a TERF, transphobic and told to ‘educate yourself’ at best; ‘die in a fire’ at worst. I became familiar with the term ‘die cis scum’ (‘cis’  are non-trans people). I learned that if you are a lesbian who doesn’t want to give fellatio, you are transphobic. You may be called a cisbian and you are responsible for the ‘cotton ceiling’. Men get pregnant  and you should say ‘chestfeeding’ not ‘breastfeeding’. Vulva cupcakes are violent. Women who menstruate should be called ‘menstruators’ so as not to trigger transwomen who cannot menstruate, or transmen who don’t wish to be reminded that they do. The term ‘female genital mutilation’ is ‘cis sexist’. Often, middle-aged people with names like Misty or Crystal will be the ones helpfully explaining this to confused ‘non-binary’ youngsters. If your child thinks they’re trans, there are a host of interested adults out there. They’ll help you select underwear, they’ll advise you to start transition as early as you can. Some will advise you to keep your feelings from your parents because they may become ‘crazy, hateful people’ if you come out to them. Worried siblings are told to keep quiet if they don’t want suicide on their hands. A few clicks will get you tips on how to get a binder without your parents knowing; some sites will even post you a second-hand binder for free. Tips on how to get hold of hormones illegally online and how to get ‘top surgery’ quicker by lying to a therapist are just a few clicks away.

I started taking Jessie’s phone away at night.

Here’s the thing – teenagers are dysphoric. Dysphoria is defined as ‘a state of unease or generalised dissatisfaction with life’ and that just about sums up being a teenager for a lot of kids. Many teenagers feel they aren’t in the right place, the right life, the right time. It is not such a huge leap, especially for a lesbian girl, to conclude that she is in the wrong body. Transkids call the name their parents gave them at birth their ‘deadname’. The appeal is clear. Society demands such impossible things from our youth. Our boychildren are expected to be tough, to ‘man up’, to scorn women yet acquire them, to value money and power above everything else. Is it any wonder if they shirk from what they are told is manhood? And if it is hard for them, it is so much worse for our girls. They are faced with endless images of airbrushed physical perfection in a society where women are told they can ‘have it all’ but are everywhere portrayed as constantly sexually available and intellectually and physically inferior. We are raising our girls in a society where women still earn nearly 20% less than men for the same work hours; where online porn is only a click away; where a third of young women age 18-24 report being sexually abused in childhood and only one in twenty reported rapes ends in a conviction. Is it really any wonder when young women want to cut off not just their hair  but their breasts and fantasise about emerging, as if from a chrysalis, to join men in their position of power and privilege?

“Gender is a social construct.” I repeated. “You are a biological girl. You can have no idea what it feels like to be a boy, because you aren’t a boy. Being a girl doesn’t have to dictate what you like to do, or wear, or who you love.”

She said, “I’m a boy.”

“No, you are a girl.”

“You can’t tell me how I feel.”

I worried myself sick that, at almost 16, my child was only a few months away from being able to visit a doctor privately and start hormone treatment. In fact, as I later learned, some UK children are receiving cross-sex hormones from private doctors as young as 12.

When I first started my research into transgenderism online, I could find nothing that questioned the trans narrative. Everything said transition was the answer, the only answer. Then I found 4thWaveNow, Transgender Trend and Gender Critical Dad. Those websites were saving lights in the blue glow of my laptop on those sleepless nights. From there I was led to others who questioned Transtopia. I read, with a mixture of relief and dismay, articles showing the huge increase in young people identifying as ‘trans’ and presenting to gender clinics in the last few years. Those most likely to be sucked in seemed to be white, middle class girls who spent compulsive amounts of time on social media. I read blog posts by thissoftspace and crashchaoscats. I watched YouTube videos by the inspirational Peachyoghurt. I read Sheila Jeffreys’ ‘Gender Hurts’. I joined online radical feminist groups and met wonderful women full of love and anger who taught me a lot.  I read stories about five year old children transitioning, and about parents discovering their child had ‘changed pronouns’ at school months ago, but the school had a policy not to discuss  the issue with parents. I saw picture books encouraging children to question if they were born the ‘right’ sex. I read about a woman who started a fundraiser for ‘top surgery’ for her disabled daughter who was hospitalised in an intensive care unit. I watched videos where young boys donned false eyelashes and lipstick and curled their long hair, and told the world that they were really girls, while their parents held the cameras that broadcast their lives to the world via their own YouTube channels. Trans-identifying Jazz Jennings stars in a reality TV show. I read about MTT (male to trans) boxers hospitalising women in fights, about MTT golfers who suddenly became world champions, about middle-aged MTT playing on girls’ basketball teams. And I read story upon story about women and girls being assaulted in bathrooms, locker rooms, prisons and refuges, by men who identified as women and used the privilege that gave them to invade women’s spaces.  In all my internet surfing, I never found a single story about an MTT being attacked in a men’s restroom.

I showed Jessie a graph that registered the sweeping rise in girls identifying as trans over the last decade. She seemed somewhat subdued by that.

“A woman can’t become a man, it’s impossible.” I reasoned. “How can your body be wrong but your brain be right?”

She repeated, “I’m in the wrong body.”

We went round in circles. And then, in my Internet wanderings, I discovered ‘Jake’.

Jessie had created an elaborate online persona as a transboy, as Jake. As the story slowly unravelled, I discovered that Jessie hadn’t met her new girlfriend, Beth, at a party, as she had told me. Instead, they had met online, and as far as Beth was concerned, she had a boyfriend, a transboy called Jake. As far as Beth was concerned, Jessie Maynard didn’t exist.

I was devastated, I was lost, I was furious. We’d had a strict ‘no fake profiles online’ rule and she had broken it, and then had lied to me.

“It’s not a fake profile,” she yelled, as she slammed her bedroom door. “It’s me!”

I changed the internet passwords and I bought her a ‘brick phone’, a phone without internet access. She was not impressed.

But I didn’t try to stop Jessie seeing Beth, or any of her other friends. Beth lived two hours away from us, but I paid Jessie’s train fare to visit her fortnightly, and gave her back her old phone to FaceTime most evenings. I was touched when Jessie wanted me to meet Beth, and I took them out for dinner. I had mixed feelings. On one level I felt the relationship was reinforcing her confusion. On another I felt it might help clear it. Yet I was horrified that Jessie had created this online world, slipped so easily inside and pulled it back into reality with her. There were others calling her Jake now, friends she had met online, and a few ‘IRL’ friends. Even some of her friends’ parents, I discovered, used the new name and pronouns.

“Do you think Beth really sees you as a boy?” I questioned, one afternoon.

“Yes.” Jessie didn’t look up from her book.


“She says if that’s how I identify, that’s how she sees me.” Jessie looked up this time, and seemed a little uncertain. “I have wondered about that,” she admitted.

Sometimes I would sit with her, coaxing her to explain how she felt, trying so hard to understand how she thought she really could be a boy; telling her what a talented and creative person she was and what a great life she had ahead of her.

Sometimes I couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Whatever you do to yourself you will always be a woman,” I shouted, exasperated. “Do you want a life where everyone around you creeps about pretending they think you’re something you’re not? Do you want to spend the rest of your life on hormones? Do you want a half-beard, phantom breasts, a life based on a lie?”

Sometimes she would not speak to me at all. And I didn’t blame her.

As I’ve said, the internet told me repeatedly that my child might kill herself if I questioned this new identity or whether transition was the best response to her feelings. I didn’t believe it. Jessie did not seem suicidal. Angry and confused, yes. There seemed to be no space for question, no one out there to tell these kids they might be ok as they are – that it was society’s expectations of what makes a man or a woman that should change, not them. This self-diagnosed condition seemed to be accepted without question by most therapists and health professionals.

I started a Facebook group just for Jessie and me, where I posted blog links, news articles and reports I found online, and checked if she had read them by bringing them up in conversation.

Sometimes I’d say, “You can have your phone to call Beth after you’ve read that article.”

Or, “I’ll wash up, you go and look at that video.”

Many of the links I shared with her explained gender as a social construct. Some unravelled the myth that our brains are gendered; some discussed what makes a woman a woman. Many linked FTT (female to trans) transgenderism to male domination, some discussed internalised misogyny. I made sure she knew that detransition was ‘a thing’ and that detransitioners were rejected by the community that had encouraged them to transition in the first place. Sometimes we read articles or watched videos together. She rolled her eyes a lot but didn’t seem to mind too much.

I read everything I could get my hands on. I stayed up most of the night, most nights, reading and copying and pasting appropriate links for Jessie to read. It was easier than lying in the dark, thinking about my perfect child removing her breasts a few years down the line. I learned about breast binders and the problems they can cause. I learned that the facial hair produced by testosterone often remains even if hormones are stopped. I googled pictures that I now wish I could unsee. A pre-op torso sporting breasts and chest hair. Photos of badly scarred, crooked chests; of nipples that looked as if they had been glued or badly stitched back on, reports of nipples that had ‘fallen off’. A photo of bloody breast tissue lying in a silver surgeon’s bowl. I saw pictures of constructed penises that looked like ready-rolled pastry and the raw exposed flesh that was cut away from arms or thighs to build them. I learned about how an artificial vagina can be constructed from a scrotal sack, and how, in the words of one MTT, “some of the tissues get starved of nutrients and oxygen (and) tends to die off”. I learned about ‘phantom penis syndrome’ and how it can affect some post-op MTTs when they become aroused.

It was horrific. It was nothing like the ‘My 2 Year Transition Story’ YouTube videos. I did not make an appointment for Jessie to see the doctor. I did not take her to a gender clinic.

“You’re not a straight boy, Jessie. You’re a lesbian.” I reasoned.

She shouted, furious, “I am not a lesbian!”

Her 16th birthday came and went. She had a party and her friends took over the ground floor. I kept one eye out from upstairs. Some cross-looking little goth girls smoked and drank beer at the bottom of the garden.

“Who were those girls?” I asked the next day.

“Those boys were Ryan and Jake.”

I snorted.

I did try to find Jessie a therapist who would help her reconcile with being female. The only openly gender critical therapist a Google search threw up lived in Texas. No use to us, then. I was put in touch with several people by email, but I could find no-one who worked in our area. Those I did communicate with were wonderfully supportive but asked me not to name them, not to give out their email address or talk about them. The message was clear – publicly questioning Transtopia could be professional suicide.

Jessie talked disparagingly of ‘otherkin’, the world of people who seriously ‘identify’ as animals. Cats, mostly, or wolves, and sometimes dragons. She didn’t take them very seriously. I said I couldn’t see a lot of difference between their beliefs and her own. She scowled–but then she laughed.

I showed Jessie photographs of Danielle Muscato and Alex Drummond: both men who consider themselves to be women.

I showed her a picture of an FTT (female to trans), who claimed she was a gay man, breast-feeding her baby.

“Man or woman?” I pestered her. “What makes a woman? What makes a man?”

We watched a video about Paul Wolscht, a man in his late forties who now ‘identifies’ and ‘lives as’ a 7- year old girl. Jessie was horrified. She said it was gross. I said that if gender really is all about identity, then his identity is surely as valid as any other. She looked at me, incredulous. I shrugged. There was a silence.

I showed her Peachyoghurt’s YouTube channel and we watched the videos together. Peachyoghurt made Jessie laugh. Sometimes I felt like we were getting somewhere, but when I asked her, the answer was always the same.

“Nothing’s changed. I’m still a boy.”

“What about Rachel Dolezal?” I asked one day, in the middle of dinner. “She was born white but honestly feels as if she is black. How is that different?”

“It just is.”


“I’m eating my dinner, mum.”

I taught her about how gender is a hierarchy; I gave her articles that showed that ‘transwomen’ are as likely to be arrested for violent crime against women as men; and that wealthy, older men are investing huge amounts of money in the transitioning of children.

Sigh. “I’m still a boy, mum. Nothing has changed.”

When Jessie was due to register at college at 16, she told me she wanted to register as a boy, as Jake. I had seen this coming and I was not keen at all. I felt that the more she indulged Jake; ascribed the good things in her life to being perceived as a male, the less there would be left of Jessie. The deeper she waded in the waters of Transtopia, the harder it would be to turn back. I worried about the effect on her education, and the damage that would be done by people in authority appearing to buy into her delusion. I was determined to at least find her some time and space to think a while longer before stepping into a life in which her ’transness’ was either the elephant in the room or the main focus of her being. She’d been offered a place at an excellent college an hour away from us. I took a gamble.

“You can do what you like when you are 18,” I told her. “But for now, you register as Jessie- as a girl- or you go to the college two blocks away from our flat.”

To say she was not pleased is an understatement. There were tears and there was shouting.  But she registered at college as Jessie Maynard.

We know that we are supposed to say that transwomen are real women. We know that it upsets them when we don’t. We also know, although we think about it far less, that we are supposed to believe that teenage girls who think they are boys, are actually men. The reason the cry ‘transwomen are real women’ is so important is that the minute we stop buying into that ‘reality’ the whole house of cards collapses.

I talked with Jessie about the way we treat boys and girls differently and how their brains develop differences because of that. I reminded her that in Victorian times, and well into the 20th century, pink was considered to be a boy’s colour and boys wore dresses until they were as old as eight. Gender expectations are different in different cultures. How could your brain be right but your body wrong? Is Caitlin Jenner really a woman, and is the hardest part of being a woman really deciding what to wear? Can sixty years of male privilege be wiped away with surgery and a lipstick? I talked a lot.

After a while I would always ask, “Do you want me to go away?”  Usually she would say, “Yes,” but sometimes she would shake her head. “No, you can stay.”

I told her how angry it made me feel that she had friends whose parents used her ‘preferred pronouns’, because I wouldn’t tell an anorexic girl she looked better thin, or comment on how cool the cutting scars on a boy’s arms looked.

I tried to give her support and let her know that I would always love her, but I never wavered for a minute from the idea that a woman cannot ‘become’ a man. Jessie and I went out for walks, to the cinema; out to lunch. I watched her and thought how clever she was, how compassionate, how thoughtful, how beautiful. I couldn’t bear the thought that she might mutilate herself in pursuit of something she could never really have. I wore sunglasses far too often that summer, but it helped to hide my eyes.

Then, at a party, Jessie met up with a friend she hadn’t seen for a year. Hazel had lived as a boy called Harvey for 8 months and then re-identified as a girl. Unbeknownst to me, they talked a lot over the next few weeks.

“What does Hazel say about it all?” I asked, curious, when Jessie told me. She shrugged. “Pretty much the same as you.”

When she asked if she could stay the weekend at Hazel’s house, obviously I said yes. I began crossing my fingers and hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel.

A week later she said “I’m thinking about it all, mum. I’m not sure what I think anymore.”

Jessie started at college and had never seemed so happy. Slowly, she seemed to begin reconciling with her femaleness. Then she told me she wanted to tell me something ‘later’. I thought I knew, I suspected, I hoped and I hoped. I waited and time passed slowly.

One day she texted me on the way to college,  “I am a girl. I was never a boy.’

She has told the group of friends that called her Jake the same.  Beth has been accepting, saying “Now you’re my preferred gender.” The only friend who is disappointed is a boy.

“You are becoming problematic.” he told her. “You need to educate yourself.”

Jessie saw the irony.

Jessie wrote a respectful but trans-critical post on her Tumblr account, and two of her ‘transboy’ followers messaged her saying they had also been feeling that way for some time and asked her to tell them more. She is currently messaging with several young people who are experiencing gender confusion. I hope she can help them, as her friend Hazel and I helped her, to realise that your potential should not be governed by your genitals; that the problem is gender and the solution is to try to change the system, not yourself.

I realise that it could have all gone horribly wrong: Jessie could have turned her back on our family and bought into the myth that anyone who questions trans ideology is phobic, full of hatred, and should be discarded in the name of liberation and finding yourself. If things had gone that way, I could have lost a child as well as a daughter. Every family is different and I would not presume to tell another parent how to deal with their child’s assertion that they are transgender. It is a minefield. If I had ever felt that Jessie needed to transition to stay alive, I would have acted differently, but I never once felt that she was in danger of taking her own life. Of course, I had never expected my daughter to tell me she was my son, either.

I do not dispute that, for a very small number of people, their gender and body dysmorphia has gone so far that the only comfortable way for them to survive in this culture is to live as the opposite sex. These people should have the same rights as the rest of us, they should not be discriminated against and they should be able to move about their business in safety. Housing and jobs should be open to them, just as they should to any member of society. I don’t want to belittle their suffering and I would not ‘misgender’ someone to their face. But a man is not a woman and a woman is not a man. These are biological differences, and biology is the fundamental basis of female oppression. To claim that being a woman is no more than a feeling is to instigate the erasure of women. The idea that we should buy into the myth that our young people are ‘born in the wrong body’ because they do not want to conform to contemporary gender stereotypes is doublespeak worthy of an Orwellian dystopia. The fact that teenage girls, predominantly young lesbians, are rejecting their womanhood in an attempt to become their oppressors should fill society with horror. Instead we are making ‘being trans’ into the latest fashion and parading these children in newspapers and on reality TV shows. I don’t know where it will end.

What I do know is that if I had let Jessie register at college as a boy and taken her to a gender clinic, we would be looking at a very, very different picture now. My beautiful 16-year-old daughter would have stepped down the road to public transitioning and a lifetime on medication. She would be looking towards a very different future.

Thank you to those of you that gave me support. To the women and men who have written so honestly about their experiences as parents, or as gender questioning young adults. Words cannot describe the strength you gave me when I needed to believe that I was doing the right thing in not supporting Jessie’s immediate transition. One more strong, healthy young woman is growing up a feminist.


Thoughts from Jessie Maynard:

Although at the time I didn’t appreciate it, the constant repetition of “you can’t be a boy” did me good. A lot of good. I had been spending too much time on the internet and I had got it into my head that somehow, biological girls could really be boys, if they “identified” as such (& vice versa).

As someone who’s always had a mostly realistic grip on the world, for some reason I had been pulled into a world where boys could become girls and girls could become boys. I felt that because I said I was a boy, I was a boy.

At the time, I felt that my mum not immediately calling me Jake and using male pronouns was horrible and transphobic. But in the long run, without her resistance, I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am today, as I would still be thinking I was a boy and trying to “pass” as a boy (which I would never be able to do without body-altering hormones.)

I think that if I had changed my pronouns in September, and registered at my college as a boy I would be a lot more unhappy as I would constantly be trying to “pass” and I wouldn’t be making the friends I wanted to, as I would be trying to fit in with the “male crowd”. When I arrived at my college, making friends wasn’t my primary motive, however the friends I have made are almost all female, and I don’t think I would have those friends if I had been trying to fit in as a boy.

Most of all, understanding gender as a social construct has taken me a long way in my personal life, and in my ideas about feminism and the way women and men are treated, especially women by the trans movement.

I’m glad that I realised before it was too late, as I am now happier in my own body and identity. I think that as a whole, many girls who wouldn’t’ve identified as transgender 10/20 years ago are now thinking they are which is dangerous and harmful to them, and that talking to them maturely and explaining gender as a social construct could really help them.

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments