Gender is harmful. My views are not hateful.

Yesterday I was told that my writing could be seen as hateful. The accusation stems from my belief that men cannot ‘become’ women, & that ‘woman’ is a biological descriptor. Nor do I believe a child can be born in the ‘wrong’ body.

So I’ve written something short, to lay out my views and try to explain them in a piece that should only take a few minutes to read. Hopefully you’ll make it to the end, and you’ll see that there is nothing hateful about my beliefs.

If you see hatred here, please pin point it. Call it out. Let me know where; let me know what and why. Be specific.

32455261_10157355273843332_9142684560734027776_nA girl who likes mud and short hair and hates pink is still a girl. She is strong and fierce, not broken, she does not need fixing or to change herself. If you love her, tell her that. Always.

If you feel uncomfortable that your boy child likes pink and tutus & you’ve agreed with him that that means he’s a girl, know that I will never, ever comply with this.  A boy who wants to sing and dance, to feel the breeze in long hair and a skirt flow around his knees is precious and wild. He can never be a girl, and that is fine because he is perfect as he is. Why would you ever tell him otherwise?

Your child does not need to be lied to. They need help to try to accept themselves as they are. They will find it much harder to do that if the adults that they love and trust tell them that they might be in a body that is ‘wrong’.

I have seen the effects of gender dysphoria first hand. I watched my own daughter wrestle with it, feeling that she was wrong, that to be herself she would need to make painful, unnatural changes to the unique creature that she is. It was awful. I understand that many people with gender dysphoria suffer terribly and I feel for them. Having that empathy doesn’t mean that I should be willing to lie about facts, change the meaning of the words that describe my sex, or stay silent when I see children being misled and harmed.

The same set of values that say the Munroes and Shons of this world ‘do woman’ properly,  are the same values that say short-haired, make-up free lesbians don’t ‘do woman’ properly. This is not ‘inclusive’. It is crushing. It is untrue. Sisters, if you remove your breasts it will not make you a man. You will always be one of us and not just because you understand the pain of womanhood better than most. Woman is not a feeling or a costume that can be tossed away or picked up. A man in a dress is still a man. Plastic surgery does not make him a woman.  Nothing can ever make him a woman. This may be a harsh reality, but it is still a reality.

32479856_10157355273673332_3783243456172785664_nThe restrictive gender norms and values that our society has established for men and women are based on stereotypes. Like characters in a child’s cartoon, these stereotypes are two dimensional. We are so much more complex than that. Stereotypes harm everyone. They are a web that traps and confines us, a mask forced on us that we never chose to wear.

We should strive to break them down, to leave the next generation a world where every personality is valid and every body is beautiful.

Let’s toss out the absurd rules that say there’s a right & wrong way to be a man or a woman. Women’s biology is unique to females and men’s to males. It shouldn’t define our personalities. Let’s celebrate that. Bending the meanings of words does not change reality. Woman; man – these words are biological descriptors. The rest is a huge and vast expanse of diverse forms of expression, some of which we label as masculine or feminine.

Turn your back on sexist stereotypes. They help no-one. Women shouldn’t have to perform femininity; men shouldn’t have to perform masculinity.  We are perfect as we are. We need to speak out and say this.

It is not hateful.

Don’t be afraid.

Break out of the boxes, don’t build new ones.

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About Lily Maynard

Shamelessly gender critical. There's no such thing as a pink brain, a lesbian with a penis or a gender fairy. Transitioning kids is child abuse.
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10 Responses to Gender is harmful. My views are not hateful.

  1. tyrobeek says:

    Thank you for an eloquent, loving account of reality which, sadly, too many people cannot accept.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jo Smith says:

    There is nothing remotely hateful here but the lobby that does believe children can be born in the wrong body, that humans can change sex, that there are right ways to be women which men do best will resort to calling the truth hatred in order to avoid facing it. It is the same as cult members attacking anyone who questions their beliefs as anti-religious. And there is a similar expectation of ‘respect’ as religions have, a perception that sincerely held beliefs, however superstitious or metaphysical, cannot be asked for justification. In the case of this very cultish trans movement, there is no justification. The science doesn’t support it, experience – including yours and your daughters – doesn’t support it. What remains is faith and once sold on a belief, people will defend it with astonishing vitriol – but somewhere deep inside, they know they are wrong and you are right, that’s why they hate you. You are holding a mirror up unflinchingly to a naked emperor.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. PAUL CHASE says:

    What a brilliant, insightful, sensitive and humane expression of opinion this is. Lily Maynard demonstrates here that you can offer empathy and respect for people suffering from gender dysphoria whilst honoring your responsibility to truth and to science.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Hecuba says:

    What is hateful is the fact numerous women-hating males are threatening women with male sexual violence because these women refuse to accept mens’ lie that males can magically morph into females!! The moon is not made of green cheese; the earth is not flat and there aren’t any male unicorns but apparently males can magically become women and we females are expected to believe these male lies!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Gavin Wyer says:

    Yup transphobia does not help anyone!


  6. While you certainly have a right to tour opinion, you can and are wrong. While there is no overt hatred here, there is an overwhelmingly strong passive/aggressive tone here. Why the attack on trans people? Why is this your agenda? Time and time again, science has proven that gender dysphoria is real and that changing the “package” that holds a humans spirit can drastically change the person in a positive way. I know that it did for me as a transman. Note that I said transman and not cis man. As I said, everyone is entitled to their opinion but when it bashes others and associates criminal behavior with a certain people group, as you have done in some of the videos that I watched on your site, it is simply wrong; plain and simple.


    • Lily Maynard says:

      Thank you for your thoughts. I’ve never denied that transition is an answer for a very small group of people. I’m not quite sure where you see passive/aggressive tone in my writing. Could you give me an example?

      Liked by 1 person

      • susansiens says:

        You are awfully kind. All I can think of is the detransitioning biological male who said that every trans-identified person he met, whether male or female, was incredibly selfish and narcissistic. I think this comment was on gendertrender. And you are right, there is a lot of criminal behavior associated with trans-identified biological males. It does not seem common for trans-identified biological females, but a mentally ill young woman here in Maine who was transitioning and being given testosterone (genius doctor at work) killed a woman she did not know in a supermarket. Last I heard, it sounded like she was detransitioning (her lawyer referred to her as she, and she seemed to be referring to herself as she) and was very apologetic.


  7. Lis Brook says:

    I feel like your essay is a breath of fresh air in a world that makes the novel 1984 all the more real and dangerous. Changing the language and the reality of science spirals us down an endless tunnel that leads to nonsense. Dangerous nonsense. People can have surgeries and wear any clothes they want. But, underneath those clothes is reality.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: My stint in Twitter jail | Lily Maynard

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