There’s an ongoing battle between those who recognise Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) as ‘a thing’ and those who deny it exists. ROGD believers are mostly gender-critical parents and professionals, who have seen it with their own eyes in their children or patients, to them it is undeniable. I am firmly in this camp, having seen ROGD in my own daughter, who is now eighteen and desisted nearly two years ago.
ROGD deniers are mostly transgender people and parents who’ve transitioned their own children. Organisations like Mermaids, Gendered Intelligence and Allsorts are also scathing, because if ROGD exists it challenges the ‘born in the wrong body’ narrative. They claim that parents who observe ROGD in their own children just hadn’t noticed the signs that their child was trans, or that the child had kept it secret from them. Either argument is grounded in the idea of bad or inadequate parenting and assumes a closed and unproductive relationship with the child.
The reality is that many healthcare professionals recognise ROGD as a reality.
Tania Marshall, M.Sc., psychologist, and award winning author accepts the veracity of the condition (left) and therapist and Jungian analyst Lisa Marchiano responds here to a trans-identifed teen who says “recently I have been reading some of your writing on “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria…. if my parents knew what ROGD was, they would probably argue that I am in that category. I came out to them about a year ago and I hadn’t shown any gender dysphoria in early childhood.”
In addition, and perhaps most significantly, some clinicians at the Gender Identity Development Service at the Tavistock clinic in London, which deals with gender dysphoric children, recently acknowledged the term. You can read their article in the Journal of Child Psychotherapy here, and the Twitter thread pictured to the left here.
So what is ROGD? I’ve written about ROGD previously in ‘but nobody is encouraging kids to be trans’
“ROGD is the name given to the situation in which an adolescent child, who has shown no prior belief that they are ‘in the wrong body’ suddenly expresses a desire to transition, usually after spending a lot of time on social media. These kids are often autistic, gay, or have undergone trauma. Many of these kids desist – usually the ones whose parents have not immediately changed their pronouns and rushed them into gender clinic referrals. My daughter Jessie, for example, herself a desister, has two IRL friends who identified as trans for well over a year and who have now desisted.
Some parents have presumed that trans support groups would acknowledge the ROGD phenomena. Trans support groups are understandably vocal on the subject of the high levels of bullying, self-harm and suicide attempts in the trans community and these parents hope that the identification of ROGD might raise awareness of the fact that transition is not the best route for every child. Instead, attempts to raise the subject are met with complete denial and even accusations of neglect. ROGD does not exist, it’s made up.
On June 12th, I posted this request on my Twitter account:
Between June 12th and June 14th- in the space of just three days – 39 parents replied to my Tweet. Some responses below have been cut slightly but no words have been changed. Where a parent commented more than once, three dots (…) join their comments.
There are kids out there – mine included – who experienced #ROGD for several years and today have dreadful mental health problems trying to get over it. Listen to #transregret #detransitioners and all young people who changed their minds.
Yep! My daughter. Aged 15 announces out of the blue… My GNC tomboy daughter subsequently diagnosed with ADHD found something on instagram that she felt answered why she felt ‘confused’ and not feeling like she fitted in around puberty.
My quirky, non-conforming, socially awkward, very intelligent daughter decided she was a boy after a summer spent on YouTube & Tumblr. Dysphoria followed. This has eased now, and nearly two years later she is a lot happier in her body… Schools need sensible advice on how to help children like my daughter. (This parent adds a link to the Transgender Trend resources for schools)
My d is a classic case: high IQ, ADHD, anxiety, some ASD symptoms, artist, anime, hard time fitting in w/alpha girls, romanticizes mental illness, romanticizes being LGBT member, trauma, afraid of physical intimacy, etc. Surprise announcement at 15… I forgot to mention this new identity bubbled up after she became completely immersed in and enamored with DeviantArt and Tumblr. Those two sites seem to breed transgender identities.
My daughter came out as trans age 12/13. Outgrew it by age 17. I was encouraged by well meaning people to put her on puberty blockers – which could have caused bone damage & cognitive delays….. It was agonizing. I was so worried about her. And I felt completely alone. Every other parent of a trans child I saw in the media was “so happy” about their child being transgender. No mention of the risks involved, no expression of fear or loss. It was awful.
Yes. With great excitement after learning the concept “transgender” as a way to not have to “live as a woman”, my kid came out after turning 18. History of anxiety, signs of OCD and ADHD and very high-functioning ASD. No need for diagnostics…she went to ICATH clinic for T Rx…
5 years ago just b4 daughter’s 16th birthday she suddenly told us she was TG. Socially immature & academically very smart. After binging on utoob & tumb1r. Persists d/tconstant affirmation from teachers & employers. Hasn’t told extended family tho… Recently started Rx Androgel. Rxd by AB family doctor. No mental health or endocrine assessment.
Sorry, my story is a brainwashed child of 9 yrs old.
Me too. 21 year old autism spectrum son, no gd as child, typical boyish interests, on oestrogen now. Now very unhappy.
My daughter is affected by #ROGD. Name change, GID clinic pathway, utterly heartbreaking. Her Mum just cries. So sorry (replies another parent) ….. I just cry too.
My child at age 14/15. Since diagnosed as ASD, plus other MH issues. Now taking T (now a young adult). Effect on my child and our family life has been massive. Impossible to discuss and work through issues due to politics of it.
Absolutely! My daughter fits into this description!!!
Yep, mine did that, then desisted within 2 years.
Me, you know my story. (Gender Critical Dad)
My daughter certainly qualifies: (the mother links to their story here) Out of the blue announcement at 13 years old. Now 17. Still thinks she’s a trans man… She says she’s gay now. So many of these girls are lesbians who think they’re boys. Or heterosexual girls who think they are gay men. It’s absolute insanity… I really don’t know what she’s imagining. But it’s not based in reality. My college daughter tells me many hetero boys on campus who have sex r-ships w/trans-identifying chest binding women. She says they seem to be attracted to that look. Don’t know what to make of any of this.
My daughter qualifies. No dysphoria at puberty at 11. Very feminine after. Decided she was trans around 16 along with an entire friend group. Tumblr, deviantART, YouTube, anime, cosplay, ADHD, anxiety, anorexia, social problems. Currently thinks she’s a gay man.
Trauma, ASD traits ROGD overnight, anime, comic con, social justice issues, bullied, high IQ, bullied. De-sisted after a year. Hers was never felt but thought, she thought her way back, given space, time and circumstance, and NO affirmation.
My daughter came out at almost 19 but says she felt this way since 16 (21 now). She has aspergers, severe depression, anxiety and is gifted. Never once mentioned wanting to be or feeling like a man. Hated shaving her legs and wearing dresses in teen years but so do others
15-year-old daughter out of the blue after prompting from a counselor; it was horrible. We fired the therapist and lovingly but firmly explored the holes in the so-called science. After about a year it seems to be lifting, thank God. Love to all here. ❤
We are in this situation.
My kid for 2yrs 13/14-16. She no longer IDs as trans. The pain and suffering she experienced was real and awful. She learned to love herself.
DD has mild depression anxiety then came out gay. We supported, like gf. Then spiralled down into anorexia, announced “I’m your son”, then suicide attempt. 4 months inpatient tx, BPD Dx, much improved. Still wearing binder but happy and good therapist now. Fingers crossed.
Kid identifies trans at 14 after huge emotional traumas at school (2 child suicides), immersed in school lgbt queer peer gp & toxic frienemies. Developed anxiety/depression, hooked on SM. Always GNC, had no body issues. School gave detentions to girls for wearing “boys” trousers. (This post is expanded in the DM section below)
Suddenly and gradually, classic cookie-cutter #ROGD… DM me for more…
My daughter “came out” to us at 16, but came out to her friends 6 months before that immediately after meeting another “transboy”. She was always a “girly” girl, but also liked comics. Apparently she’s a “feminine transboy.” ASD ADHD and always had trouble keeping friends… I’ll add that one of the most frustrating statements my daughter made was telling me she “figured it out” by reading the comments section of trans videos on YouTube.
(post in reply to above) I understand how you feel. When I asked my daughter how she determined she was trans she said by looking at those around her and how they identified and the internet. I about fell through the floor!!
Adding my dd to the list. First came out to a few friends, then to us last year at age 15. Right after that she shared with social media.
My story is the same as everyone else’s.
My daughter suffers from #ROGD. Isolation, body issues, grief, internet, puberty- BAAM! She convinced herself shes a boy. Now- 3 years later – very much in doubt, painted into a corner, anxious, depressed, tired, cant see the forest for trees.
Out of the blue, my daughter announced she is trans at 15 WITHIN 24 HOURS OF MEETING ANOTHER ROGD GIRL at school. History of ASD, ADD, not fitting in, etc. had been ‘all girl’ up to that point and really still is except in her head where she thinks she looks/acts male.
While my son was away at college came out as trans at age 20. Never showed signs of gender dysphoria as a child.
MAMA BEAR 2nd tweet: my kid is now “nonbinary”. Changed name & pronouns. Hates her female body & definitely has GD which should be treated. Now rooms with female-looking friend who goes by he/him. My kid on wait list for publicly funded mastectomy b/c wants to get rid of her breasts.
My 19 y/o kid suffers from BPD, severe depression, & anxiety. She was always precocious,bright & active as a child—loved wearing skirts & pants. Announced bi in high school then gay. Became obsessed with queer peer group & an ASD girl who has now had mastectomy. Lots of Tumblr.
My always-girly 21yo D was diagnosed bipolar 2 at 15; much anxiety, depression; moved to affirming city/college but dropped out b/c of anxiety; tons of Tumblr etc. followed by trans announcement; living with 3 girls, all of whom think they’re gay bois; at least 2 now on T.
Son spent way 2 much time on Tumblr-Twitter. Heavy into anime. Off to college & find out from social media He’s a girl. Hist of ADHD recent depress & anxiety. Hasn’t pursued hormones. Casual name change w friends but not out 2 extended family. No issues w gndr b4 social media.
Daughter entered #transcult as a college student. Not a tomboy or GNC Previous lesbian identity. Quiet, academic, into social justice. Likely was on trans-promoting sites when she was younger.
My D14- came out right before she was 12. Too much internet- Blindsided parents. Much more to our story. Aarrgghh!
My daughter went from cutting to trans. She was around 15 ish.
My son said he wanted to transition at 20. He showed no prior indication of this. He exhibited typical male characteristics from birth through childhood to young adulthood. He is attracted to women, by the way. He has been suicidal for several years.
My teen is a desister. she declared trans at age 13, and at age 15 desisted (she had socially transitioned, which I did not fight while I was fighting to prevent any medical transition. Her trans family rejected her when she asked abt biology.)
All the above 39 responses were received within 48 hours of my post. The comments below came in a few days later.
20 year old ASD female born daughter here – told us she trans shortly after 18th birthday – suffering acute anxiety and depression. Ideological stance makes it impossible to discuss for fear of alienating her. Needs a medical professional to tell her the feelings may not last.
Do you still need responses? Yes, suddenly at puberty my daughter started with
#ROGD tho we didn’t know it by that name at the time. Depressed and we find out she has ADHD and is gifted…not feeling like she fit in…
My son told us at 16. I’m like all the rest. I think you’ve been following my tweets. Thank you!
I’d also told parents they could direct message me via Twitter if they didn’t feel able to post directly on the thread. These are the 27 private messages I received, again, all but three in the 48 hours after my Tweet, from parents who wanted their stories to be told anonymously. I have removed a few minor points that might be identifying features- hometowns, colleges, names- and shortened a couple of the more lengthy responses. Two of the posts are longer versions of public comments made above.
I saw you are asking for stories of ROGD parents. Here’s mine: My kid, having shown no signs of being transgender as a kid, announced at age 12 that she was transgender. She was diagnosed with ASD just a month or two before her announcement. She had been heavily involved on Tumblr with a nearly 100% transgender friend group there. She is obsessed with all aspects of identity, but especially with gender identity and sexual orientation. At first, her dysphoria wasn’t too bad, but now, about 15 months on, it’s a daily topic of discussion and an ongoing struggle. She also suffers from depression and anxiety and has been hospitalized in a psych unit twice. She’s been completely brainwashed by the arguments of trans activists (biological sex is a myth, there have always been transgender people going back to the Egyptians, the increasing numbers of trans people is due entirely to “increased acceptance”) and is impervious to anything we have to say about it. Our story is a lot like the stories I’ve read on 4thwavenow and the Gender Critical Resources forum. Thank goodness I’ve found these resources, because, like the good liberal I am, I started down the “affirm” path, despite the fact that this made no sense to us. Fortunately, we have not been affirming this identity for around a year, and the therapists we’ve found here in (location deleted) have been pretty decent, neither affirming nor taking a hard-line stance against her being transgender, which I think would have turned her off from therapy in general. All we can do is hope things turn around and try not to fight with her about this while still making it clear how we feel about this. It’s been a nightmare and I’m currently seeing a counselor myself to deal with how I’ve reacted to this situation, which is increased depression and anxiety. Please keep my story anonymous….
My daughter was 12 when she told she was Trans. Also 6 other girls, and 1 boy, in her grad and the one below her out of 700. The grade after those two-none. Tumblr has been my nightmare. She has not desisted yet, but she has recently acknowledged that she can’t actually change her sex. I’m somewhat hopeful. I try to get her thinking critically. Hope that helps…. My daughter is still wearing a binder and insists on the male name. However, she has agreed to wait until she’s 18 to bring up getting hormone treatments again. She said that she likes where she is right now, and wants to focus on school and getting ready for college. My friends think she is looking for a graceful exit. I don’t want to get my hopes up. But this significant, because in our state, 16 year olds are allowed to take hormones without parental consent. They can’t get a tattoo, or drink until they’re 21, but at 16 they can take cross sex hormones! It’s insanity. I’m still sending her links to 4th wave articles I think it’s helping.
At age 14, my daughter said she was “trans,” “agender.” Said she didn’t feel like a girl nor like a boy. Wanted to be called “they/them,” and change her name. Her friends and siblings went along, but her father and I continued with singular. She is now 18, identifies as gay, and seemed to drop the notion that she is trans or agender. It happened seemingly out of the blue, and was encouraged by a gay male friend of hers who was studying gender and sexuality at college.
Please feel free to use our story. I didn’t want it to come from my account because… I’m scared that we’ll be harassed/doxxed/reported to social services and I’ll be fighting for my right to protect my own child. My daughter, who’s pretty smart and socially awkward but had never had a problem with her own body till she went to secondary school and linked up with the LGBT group. My kid came home as gender fluid (which I understood and told her she didn’t have to conform to social gendered stereotypes, told her I must be gender fluid too), then she came home as non binary (which I said I understood as similar to gender fluid and repeated that it was all rubbish to expect people’s behaviour and personalities to be either/or)… This school group started to take over every waking moment with LGBT projects like presentations to school assemblies, visibility days etc… My middle daughter one day said she was trans…. I asked about her sexuality and was confronted with, “So you’re saying I’m just a lesbian?” which I said was insulting to lesbians, which she hadn’t considered. The school had a very stupid uniform policy which differentiated between girls and boys trousers. My kid didn’t like the trousers “assigned” for girls so I bought her trousers she liked and was comfortable in. She got repeated detentions and lunch/break detentions for wearing these trousers… My kid stopped going to school. She developed high anxiety levels, depression and spent far too much time with unsupervised internet access (my fault)… CAMHS eventually really helped with the anxiety but after 6 sessions it came to an end and she hadn’t mentioned gender issues at all to the therapist, yet at home I was having “dead daughter live son” ultimatums thrown at me, quoted suicide stats, she changed her name 3 times, wrecked her room (very carefully) sent me you tube/instagram videos, became aggressive/shouty and confrontational whenever I asked any question like, “What is it that makes you feel you are a boy?”. She demanded blockers and testosterone and called me transphobic for not blindly doing all this immediately. Her friend also locked me into an instagram debate about how my lack of support for my son would result in their death… Towards the end of term my kid wanted the school to support her in a big ‘coming out as trans’ assembly presentation. They asked me what I thought and I explained that we’d been to CAMHS, we were going to spend the summer talking this through without school pressure and to put it off till after the school holidays. The message that was conveyed to my child was that they weren’t going to let her do her presentation because her mother didn’t support it. That night my child threatened to jump out of a 4th floor window. I took her to A&E where she asked to be taken into care. We spent the night in the children’s ward on suicide watch and I cried all night… During the summer we worked on self esteem. She started (a new school) and it’s been slow but steady improvements. The school were very supportive and allowed her to use a different name and present as a boy. I wasn’t sure about this. Slowly her attendance has improved and her academic learning is back on course. She has a part in the school play and her friends seem friendlier. She now thinks she might be a gay boy… she told friends that she’s done everything to indicated to other gay boys that she’s a gay boy but to no avail yet. I am still struggling to get a message of reality through to her. She has said that everything about women is disgusting and then proudly wears a feminist badge. She has accepted that I won’t endorse any permanent changes to her body while she’s a child. I have told her about… the long terms affects of meds and have tried to big up the gender critical brigade and butch lesbians. I have tried to explain the deep misogyny in the ideology and the violence towards feminists in the name of transwomen. I have explained the concerns I clocked with the huge rise in referrals of teenage girls, to which she says “So you think I’m just like everyone else then?”. I have tried to explain the worries about being reliant on life long meds in an increasingly capitalistic world where our access to free health care seems more and more at risk. She gets angry at me when I make a point or ask a question because, “What you say makes sense but it sounds offensive but I can’t explain why”. I have had a year of this. We have agreement that she masquerades at school and then is herself at home. The last few months have been really good on the other fronts of her life (homework, new friends, assessments out the way, school play etc). I have been controlling internet and social media, repairing family relations after a horrendous year for everyone, limited those old friends and encouraged hobbies, exercise and arts… My kid is still confused. I wish she wouldn’t wear her binder and I blame myself for not being stricter with the social transition side of things, I hadn’t read enough at that stage to fiercely oppose the idea. When she outgrew a binder I refused to get her another and provided a sports/training bra, but she got a friend to order one for her instead. I reported this to the school and am deeply worried she’ll find someone to order blockers/T if she was inclined. I am hopeful she’ll grow out of her dysphoria and find a way to be happy in herself. Our story is ongoing…and breaks my heart everyday.
Hi – my daughter has all of a sudden come out as trans gender. She spent a lot of time on YouTube and Tumblr and is convinced of it. She’s seen a psychologist who feels she’s just going thru a phase and will grow out of it .
Have a daughter who has just desisted after 1 1/2 years. Glad we live in Africa since in our home country (Sweden) I fear the outcome may have been very different. She bought a tshirt today stating ‘All Women’. I almost cried… I feel very lucky indeed. So many incredibly horrific stories. It’s like we all admire the kings clothes and the few pointing at his nudity are crucified.
My daughter was always somewhat gender non-conforming (at least according to narrowly defined sex stereotypes). As a young child she loved dinosaurs and dogs, and spent a lot of time BEING a dog, horse, or cat. She always eschewed stereotypical “girly” things, which was fine with us, her parents. Around age 8 or 9 (circa 2011/2012) she started spending time online, especially a site called Chicken Smoothie, where her father and I had to repeatedly intervene because role-playing areas (even those designated for young kids) were constantly being infiltrated by older teens and young adults who would serve up a lot of inappropriate content. All of these young people (not my daughter’s age, but older) would have extremely detailed “profiles” which laid out their identities in detail. They were all some flavor of -sexual and somewhere on the trans “spectrum.” Chicken Smoothie was followed by Tumblr which was more of the same but many magnitudes more extreme. It shouldn’t have surprised us when, after marinating in this crap for three or four years, she told me one night that she thought she was trans. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, “Oh, hell no!” I mean, I didn’t verbalize it, but that’s how I felt inside. And, I don’t know why I reacted like that because, politically, I had always been on the left and very supportive of so-called marginalized groups. But, something just felt really wrong. Thankfully, in the moment I just told her that I thought she should hold off on doing anything, including transitioning socially, until high school. What I did do was get her hooked up with a therapist (I didn’t even mention the gender stuff) and talked to her pediatrician and got her on some anti-depressants, which helped A LOT. I don’t know if my initial hesitation had anything to do with it, or if it was the meds, or what, but over the course of the past couple of years she has gone from transboy ID to something more akin to “non-binary.” She’s never demanded pronoun or name changes, and we have supported her in expressing herself however she sees fit (short hair, men’s clothes), with the exception of a ban on any and all binders because they’re super unhealthy!!! I am so thankful that as soon as she told me and I started doing research online, I came across 4th Wave Now and other gender-critical people and websites, and realized I was not actually a giant asshole or a bigot for not affirming my daughter’s self-diagnosed transgender identity. All of my research really hit it home that this was a long-term fight, and that losing was not an option. She and I don’t talk about it much – I’ve found less is more in terms of confronting her about it – but she seems about 800% more comfortable with being female than she was two years ago. I’ve read this elsewhere, and I’ve told it to her repeatedly: There is no wrong way to be female. Any ideology that says that clothes or interests define a person’s sex or gender is a load of horse manure. That’s called sexism. I think the person who has struggled the most with my daughter’s trans ID is my husband, who is my daughter’s adopted dad (I’m her bio mom, but her bio dad is not in the picture). I think her desire to harm herself in this way was extraordinarily painful for him. It was easier for me in some ways because I just got mad and took a more pragmatic approach to the situation, trying to find ways to help her without harming her. He just got really depressed. As you know, there’s loads of support for people who want to affirm their kid’s trans ID, but if you have reservations you’re immediately branded a bigot. It’s very isolating. Thankfully, things have improved, like I said. Anyway, that’s our story. I’d like to remain anonymous if you use it. Two things I should have added: 1) In response to all of the problems we had with Tumblr, we ended up blocking it on our home computers and we seriously limited her access to apps and sites on her iPhone with parental controls – better to not have her marinating in self-harm posts and trans ideology 24-7; and 2) We are currently in the process of having her evaluated for ADHD (Inattentive Type) – she exhibits almost all of the symptoms. It seems ASD and ADHD are common in girls with ROGD.
My daughter came out suddenly trans at age 13. Now 17. Hasn’t transitioned. But uses male name and dresses as a boy… I believe that there are probably people who are truly trans. But for too many girls, specifically, I think they are misfits that have been convinced via tumblr, you tube, anime, etc, that the reason they feel this way is because they were born in-the wrong body. My daughter has no male traits at all. Never into sports, has no real male friends, doesn’t play “boy” type games, etc. lives in a hot pink bedroom. Liked wearing girls clothes until just recently when she said she couldn’t pass if she wore women’s clothing. Yet when she first came out she explained she was male presenting as female. She spends 80% of her time with online friends from god knows where. Rarely goes out with “live” friends her “closest” friend has Aspergers. I say closest in quotes because they hardly spend time together….The school had bent over backwards for her… I can’t approach her with any alternate theories. She has all the canned lingo down. I pray that she will come out ok on the other end and that end being before college. But doubtful.
Not my kid, but my nephew. Got a girlfriend senior year who caused him a whole host of issues, eating disorder, drugs, then told him she wouldn’t date him unless he identified as a woman. She’s gone but he is still trying to be a lesbian. Before that, he seemed to me a typical boy, slight of stature, but typical boy interests. School culture may also had a lot to do with it.
Hi there, about the ROGD post. My daughter turned 14 and hit puberty then within three months was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, went from thinking she was bisexual to lesbian to pansexual to gender fluid to thinking she is a boy within two more months. This as well as claiming to be pagan then wiccan then atheist and a couple of rounds of being vegetarian too. One year later she now thinks shes a gay boy. She also disagrees with putting anything in your body that you don’t need and risking side effects. So I do see light at the end of the tunnel lol
In reply to your tweet. Yup, my 17 year old. Now his 20 year old brother is ‘questioning his gender’. It’s endemic.
Won’t post publicly but my 12 yo came out as trans last year. Friends and school affirmed with no notification to us. We found out after a friend reported her as suicidal and the guidance counselor called me about “my son”. We are trying to navigate without too much affirmation but have changed name/pronouns at home. She still will go by old name around extended family and friends as well as doctors. I feel helpless and unable to even seek help for fear of being labeled one way or another. The politics of this issue is frightening. I don’t want to lose her. I’m scared.
Here you go: my autistic, brilliant, loving, socially awkward daughter came out to me out of the blue at the age of 13. She got the idea after attending a school presentation; a school where over 5% of the students were trans, where names and pronouns were changed without my knowledge. She received affirmation from therapists, teachers, and students. I was emotionally blackmailed by therapists to support her social transition. By the time I realized this was a big mistake, her beliefs became more deeply entrenched. She is 17 now and plans to begin medically transition next year. I am trying to do everything I can to get her to see the truth before it’s too late.
Hi Lily, My daughter is 19. She came out as lesbian at 16, started going to (allegedly) LGBT support group Allsorts Youth in Brighton where she was snared by the trans-cult. She now insists she is a man despite all evidence to the contrary, and is on the pathway to transition. Tav and Port know she is ROGD but that doesn’t seem to bother them. While it is clear to me this will eventually be accepted as a national scandal and should my daughter see sense she’ll be able to sue for millions, I’d much rather she saw sense now, before it is too late. The NHS should be helping her come to her senses. It should not be humouring her delusion.
Our child came out as trans unexpectedly at aged 20 – having shown no signs previously. This followed a traumatic time in her life. Had come out as a lesbian around aged 18. From there, ‘progressed’ to trans with body dysphoria. 10 months ago went to see the GP, prior to making a new start at uni: now has 2 separate NHS diagnoses and will start testosterone shortly. Wants double mastectomy.
My child texted me to tell me they wanted to be a boy at 14, the usual story of immersing themselves in trans YouTubers. They had always been GNC but never suggested being a boy until 14. They told their guidance teacher & the school immediately changed their name and sex without consulting us. We were referred to CAMHS who were very supportive and they even told the guidance teacher when they imposed themselves on an appointment that their actions had not helped & they had jumped in too soon in changing name & sex. Our child is now 18 so can make their own decisions & we keep saying we believe they are GNC not trans. Up to now they have not attempted to refer themselves & I am hoping they won’t. (sentence deleted to avoid identification) our relationship is improved despite difficult conversations. Our child has recently been assessed for autism & has been told they have “sub” indicators of autism but they do not have enough for a diagnosis & adult mental health services will not do a full assessment. I am desperate & terrified that my wonderful, confused child will start down a path of transitioning that will cause them harm and that they could come to regret. I do not mention this on Twitter as my child, & some of their friends, follow me on Twitter & ultimately it is their story not mine.
My 16.5 year old daughter came out as trans at age 14.5 in a period of social isolation and depression. Never fit in with the girls because of giftedness and limited interests (books). Deep thinker. Social justice minded. is now called a boy in school and everywhere but at home. My story is like so many others. The culture is enabling this and pushing our children onto a path of psycho social and medical self harm. Has ASD traits, sensory issues , diagnosed with generalized anxiety. Sexuality unclear. Very uncomfortable with sexuality in general. Now IDs as a gay boy. I suspect is a lesbian with high functioning depression and possibly mild Aspergers. (sentence removed) Has perfect pitch and synethesia.
Hi Lily, have experienced the same with daughter – no where near out of the woods. Really appreciate all your tweets and info. Makes me feel less isolated by it all.
Hi. A few years ago when my daughter was about 13 her body developed pretty quickly and she hated it. She’s reserved and quite shy and had started getting attention from boys and even men in the street – very curvy hourglass figure. Her whole demeanour changed. She became depressed and suffered from anxiety. We’re very close and we talk about everything. Anyway things escalated – started to want clothes from boys’ section and had her hair cut short and shaved at sides. Then progressed to wearing chest binders. I went along with all this because you walk a fine line with teenagers and I wanted to keep the lines of communication open between us. However when she said she thought she was trans like some other girls at her school I told her I would support her through everything, except I could not finance or be part of her changing her body because if she ever regretted such a drastic action I would never forgive myself . It was a very difficult year or so but basically I listened to her every time she needed to talk – night or day. She got some counselling at school and I encouraged her to take up interests (she joined a local rock school where she played guitar) and meet her friends on weekends. Then one day she said “Mum I think I’m a lesbian”. I said that was no big deal but to take her time, that she was still young and didn’t have to worry because her sexuality would become clear to her in time. Just wanted her to enjoy being young. Anyhow over time I could see her growing in confidence and being happier with herself, she stopped wearing the binders and developed her own quirky punky image. Then about 6 months ago (at about 15 1/2) she said ” yep mum am 100% sure now I am a lesbian,” and then more recently, “what was I thinking about wanting to be a boy!” I would encourage any other parents to adopt the wait and watch approach even when your child seems quite determined, because if they are really unhappy with their developing body like my daughter was, changing sex seems like a very attractive solution at the time. I say this with no disrespect to trans people and of course I believe in supporting trans people’s rights.
My child (now aged 19 suddenly came out as trans soon after being put on strong antidepressants by Camhs who indoctrinated and fed my child hate towards me and had my child taken into care at 16. I have two other happy healthy children (age 16 and 22) living at home with me.
All we knew of our daughter and our relationship which I thought was closer than some came to a crashing end at 19 and 1 day when she met a young woman who had recently had double mastectomy and was identifying as transgender man. 19 and 3 weeks identified as genderfluid to us but transgender man to friends. Stopped going to uni lectures. Self diagnosed acute anxiety, depression, dysphoria. Refused counselling because of anxiety and “deprogramming”. At this point in our journey our relationship had gone from very strong and loving to we were oppressing her refusing to believe she was a man. The speed from which all this happened was breathtaking. My husband, other children, family and friends were disbelieving in that nothing prepared us for the misery of trans gender identity. She rejected everyone pre trans. I ended up travelling to her college town so she would reluctantly meet me for an hour. She thought and still thinks i am an absolute transphobe.
Hi lily. My daughter was 12, completely out of the blue. We supported her when she said she wanted a haircut, said we’d@talk to school etc. Didn’t get round to it as it lasted less than 48 hours!
My daughter was age 12, entering 7th grade, when she came out to me only (not dad & brother) and asked for a binder. Looking at her YouTube history it appeared she spent the summer following Miles McKenna, who was now her idol. I took away YouTube (due to Miles making adult jokes) and told her until she goes through her history w/me and we decide together if it is a healthy choice or not she cannot have YouTube back (this was in September 2017 – we are now in June 2018). As of today she still does not have YouTube and she has decided she doesn’t want it back. She only came out to a few of her real life friends, but all of her online friends. I bought her boxers, I bought her clothes from the men’s aisle, I took her to get her hair chopped. I see all of this as harmless exploring. I did not allow her to change pronouns (kids will believe what you tell them they are), I did not buy her a binder as her lungs, spine, ribs and other organs need the room to grow. She told me she would not think of hormones until she was about age 23, so I left that alone. Due to living in a state where it is questionable if to not affirm is considered conversion therapy, which is illegal, she did not see a therapist. Instead we spend one hour a week working on anxiety and confidence. She has been great, open, honest and working through the exercises. I believe she has desisted (10 mos later). She does not like to talk to me about transgender, so I have not asked her directly. She varies her dress now, growing out her hair, no longer attempts to deepen her voice, and recently (her choice) applied, interviewed and gained a position in an all female STEM group. In her application she stated she wanted to meet other girls who are into STEM as none of her current friends are. I doubt I would have been able to help my daughter through if it were not for the writers on 4thwavenow and the parents of a gender critical support forum. They helped me realize I am sane and if I continue to support my daughter in her SAFE exploration she would be alright.
Hi Lily. My son, now 23, went to XXXXXX University, very bright, top grades, athlete, musically talented. His girlfriend of 3 years left him in the 3rd year of college. Became depressed, mild and then severe. Came back home almost 2 years ago, all of a sudden, after being exposed to the transgender propaganda, he became obsessed with wanting to change his name, possibly starting to wear women clothes, considering transition! He is in therapy but our family is absolutely shattered. We walk on eggshells. Why don’t any of the psychologists he has met consider addressing self esteem issue rather then suggesting he starts mingling with transgender groups? This is INSANE.
Daughter always tomboy and socially somewhat awkward, previously diagnosed with ADD and attachment disorder. Early puberty was a shock to her system. Hit high school, felt like fish out of water among all the princess girls. Decided a kid like her could not be a regular girl. Binged on youtube trans videos and decided she was trans, at 15. Decided there was no other explanation for her PERSONALITY as a non-princessly, math-loving, gamer nerd girl.
I‘ve just caught up your thread about cases of ROGD. My child 17 yo female has been struggling with this so feel free to add me to the case list. Can explain full story in confidence and craziness of “professionals” who were “helping”.
Hi Lily. Never heard of ROGD before but what you described fits my daughter’s case too. Gay, yes, GD, no. Went thru all this about five years ago – she is almost twenty now and in a stable SS relationship. She went from describing herself (suddenly) as Trans (following self diagnosis in social media) to queer to just plain old gay. We just said a strong no to any GD therapy. Sadly we recently heard her partner is taking hormone therapy… it’s a complicated world!
ROGD messages – response analysis
I received responses, of one or more comments, from 42 parents (plus one aunt and one grandmother) in replies to my Twitter thread which you can read here. All but 3 were in the 72 hours following my request for parents to contact me.
I received direct (private) messages from 27 parents. Almost all respondents were mothers.
I have not included any of the the responses I received from teachers, family friends, distant relatives and concerned members of the public. (Or any of the messages telling me I’m an evil transphobe and ROGD is made up.) Parents do sometimes contact me, but here I have included only the DMs and messages I received on and in response to that thread, my Tweet asking for stories from individuals whose children experienced ROGD.
67 trans-identified young people were mentioned. Fifty two of the children referred to were girls. (Two of these doubled up as mentioned in both the DMs and the thread comments so read above as 54.) Nine were boys. The sex of six of the young people was not mentioned.
None of the respondents seemed to believe that their child actually was ‘born in the wrong body’ although one respondent did say ‘I believe that there are probably people who are truly trans’.
At least 12 of the children have now desisted. I do not include in that ‘she seems to have..‘ or ‘I think he has…’ so the figure may be higher. Transactivists will claim that these children are just pretending to desist because of their ‘transphobic’ parents. It is, of course, possible that this is the case. One of the problems with collecting information about desisters is that once a child desists, parents are not so keen to talk about it. Many just want to put the hell behind them and move on. I believe parents of desisters are much less likely to respond to a request like this than parents of children who are still trans-identified. This is, of course, my opinion.
One of the weaknesses of studies based on random requests for information, like so many of the LGBT studies floating around, is that you have a self-referred sample.
This is not supposed to be a great scientific study. It’s not a dissertation, it’s not peer reviewed, it’s not anything grandiose. This post has no delusions of grandeur, it is what it is. I asked for parents who believed their child was suffering from/had suffered from ROGD to contact me, and contact me they did.
Of course, as has been pointed out to me so very many times, the fact that a parent doesn’t know their child feels ‘born in the wrong body’ when they are very young doesn’t mean that child doesn’t feel that way. It is possible that all these children had such terrible relationships with their parents that they hid their feelings, and also possible that the parents were so completely disinterested in their children and unaware of their feelings and interests that they didn’t notice. Possible, but unlikely. These parents seem intelligent and articulate and they seem to love and support their kids. These parents seem convinced that their children’s gender dysphoria was rapid onset.
One thing that does stand out is the number of children diagnosed with ASD or ADHD. At least 16 of the 67 children had an ASD or ADHD diagnosis.
“diagnosed with ADHD
socially awkward, very intelligent
high IQ, ADHD, anxiety, some ASD symptoms
History of anxiety, signs of OCD and ADHD and very high-functioning ASD
diagnosed as ASD, plus other MH issues
Trauma, ASD traits… high IQ
aspergers, severe depression, anxiety and is gifted
mild depression… anorexia, suicide attempt
BPD, severe depression, & anxiety
diagnosed bipolar 2 at 15; much anxiety, depression
Hist of ADHD recent depress & anxiety
ASD .. acute anxiety and depression
Depressed and we find out she has ADHD and is gifted
diagnosed with ASD
having her evaluated for ADHD (Inattentive Type) – she exhibits almost all of the symptoms
they have “sub” indicators of autism
Has ASD traits, sensory issues , diagnosed with generalized anxiety”
Many other young people had co-existing mental health issues.
Many were lesbian, although this was not mentioned as often as I would have expected.
To dismiss ROGD out of hand, we have to believe that all sixty seven of these parents knew nothing about their kids. Now, kids don’t tell their parents everything. We’ve all heard parents say, “We didn’t know she was sleeping with him… we didn’t know he was taking drugs… we didn’t know she was self harming… we didn’t know he was in a gang,” but this is very different. To suggest that ROGD is not real is to suggest that throughout the entire childhood of their offspring, these parents were deluded. That the girl who never once even said ‘I wish I was boy’ was keeping her true ‘gender identity’ under wraps. The response to that is often, ‘but now they’ve been given the words!’ I ask you, why would young people need to be ‘given the words’?
The only argument against the existence of ROGD is rooted in the idea that all parents whose kids did not come out as trans until they were adolescent are blind idiots who knew nothing at all about their children. It’s also presumes those children had such a terrible relationship with their parents that they never felt able to talk about them about their feelings. I think that says a lot more about the family relationships of those making the accusations than it does about the families with an ROGD child.
ROGD IS REAL.
I’m not a therapist or a psychologist & I don’t give out advice online beyond offering links to useful groups such as the gender-critical parents forum (which has 960 members), and useful website such as Transgender Trend, 4thWaveNow, Gender Critical Dad and YouTube channels such as Peach Yoghurt.